The worst thing you can teach your kids?



"Worry about you and only you!"

Mean Motor Scooter

In the spirit of my other photo blogs (here and here) I thought I might catch you all up on my nephew, Mean Motor Scooter (MMS). He is adorable and brought so much life into my family. I wish I didn't live 1,000 miles away from him and could see him more than I do now. Here we are, from birth to present (it took me FOREVER to get a RECENT picture of MMS).

Driving Lesson

Something has really been bothering me lately. I recently moved and in order for me to drive home I have to drive on a two lane road for 10 miles. Now, this two lane road has a speed limit of 50 mph (totally lame and the majority of us do not drive that slow on it), which turns into 60 mph, 65 mph, or 70 mph depending on how brave you are.

Raise your hand if you know what a PASSING LANE is?

Nobody?

Okay, last chance.

A PASSING LANE is the #1 lane, or left hand lane on a road. Now, the purpose of the PASSING LANE is to

1. keep traffic flowing
2. allow faster traffic to pass slower traffic

Now, how many of you know it is illegal to drive in the PASSING LANE if you are not actually PASSING someone?

Now you do.

So, please do everyone on the road a favor, and only use said PASSING LANE when you are passing someone. After you pass someone it is your responsibility and the LAW to move back into the "slow lane" so that traffic can then pass YOU.

Get it? Good!

Attacked

I went into my bedroom, closed the door, and started getting ready for my nightly shower.
What was that?

I spun around midway of rinsing off my face.

Nothing.

I carefully finished washing and then dryed off. I turned around to place the towel back on the rack and there HE was. THERE was the introduded!



At least this is one of the senarios my brain kept fumbling through last night. Being all alone in a big house can scare a girl! I mean, someone really could have come into the house. What if they did? I don't like being bymyself and this why! My mind starts to wander to bad things happening. I get scared. I even slept with the bedroom door closed last night and Lover had to wake me up when he got off work for me to open it for him.

It's just something I have to get use to... I guess.

I Needed This Today

E-mail forward: Why Boys Need Parents...

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep..
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Hope you laughed as hard as I did!

The Anger Test

I took an Anger Test. Not one of those from those stupid websites, but from a place I would consider credible.

The results: I'm angry... Shocked?


Your score = 77

What does your score mean?

Overall, your anger level is slightly elevated. You seem to get angry more often than the average individual. Either you have a hot streak or the situations on the test happened to rub you the wrong way. Whatever the case, you should watch out - you might be on dangerous ground. Anger is a firecracker of an emotion, and isn't something you want to overdo. Some things just aren't worth getting worked up about!

 
I think that any "situation" where people are inconsiderate is going to rub me the wrong way. Common sense people! Common sense.

I Play Chicken

You know that stoplight in your town that when you come to it, it opens up to another lane, and then once you go through the light that right lane ends? You know those cars that drive through it EVERY single day on their way to or from work? You remember those PAIN in the ASSES who insist on getting in that right hand lane to try and speed up to get ahead of 2 extra cars in order to save 5 seconds on their commute while costing everyone else 30 seconds and some stress and terror?

My job is to eliminate those ASSHOLES one at a time. They KNOW the lane is going to end, they drive it EVERY DAY! Their persistence to get ahead of me, is not quite has strong as my persistence to make sure they do not get ahead of me. For example, this morning:

Am I going to close today? Am I going to close today? I really don't want to reschedule everything! I hope we close today! Red light. Damn it. Look at these stupid cars next to me! I'm not letting them in. Assholes! You know that fucking lane closes! Why are you trying to go straight! Stupid! I'm not letting you. Haha! You'll see. Ooo! Green light.

At this point the car in front of me slowed down as two cars raced ahead of him to merge over. However, there was one lone ranger who thought that it was "her turn" to merge and that I was going to let her over. She was mistaken. I rode the ass of the car in front of me so tightly!

I'm not letting you over stupid blonde bitch! And you can honk your horn all you want, I'm not looking over at you. You know what, Bitch? I have the right away, and I don't have to let you in if I don't want to. I know what you are trying to do, you're in an SUV, you can't intimidate me! I'll play chicken, I won't hit you, you'll hit me, which means your at fault. I don't really feel like going to work today anyway!!! HAHA! That's right, hooker! HIT. YOUR. BRAKES.

At the very moment she was forced to brake, she was not only honking her horn, and turning on her blinkers like I am going to give up the place I fought so hard for to pull over and "talk" about it. Ya right! My iPod then started playing...


I play chicken with the train, play chicken with the train, train. uh huh huh. uh huh huh. You know that I play chicken with the train, play chicken with the train, train. - Cowboy Troy

I couldn't help BUT to blurt out the words and crack up!

Did I mention I did the 25 mile/hour speed limit the ENTIRE 6 miles on the one lane road? That was priceless! I think that blonde bitch is still pissed at me and I'm still laughing!

Doesn't Step Sound Negative

No puns instead. "Step" is just a negative word. For example:

Step-Mom
Step-Dad
Step-Grandma
Step-Grandpa

... I think you get the picture on which direction I am heading so I will stop naming off every different type of family member.

Pretty soon, and by soon I mean when Cinderella is talking and has friends, she will start to refer to me as her Step-Mom. I blame Disney for giving the word STEP such a negative meaning. Ever since Cinderella, the movie not the baby, came out Step-Mom's haven't exactly been admired nor adored. I suppose my nick naming the step child, Cinderella doesn't help - but it is suiting.

Let's think about this a little bit further... Meredith from the Parent Trap? Rachel in The Uninvited? Clarice in It Take Two? Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent in Ever After? I'm not exactly fighting a fair fight.

I like Mommy, but even then I feel a little bit guilty considering she already has a mommy that loves her and she didn't come from my uterus. Plus, I get dirty looks from everyone, fully equipped with the "how dare you" / "who do you think you are" glare down. Yes, glare down.

I would much rather be referred to as Aunt or Auntie. However, then we would have some explaining to do as to why Cinderella's Aunt married (we're not married yet, but give it another year and a half) her father.

Coffee or Hot Chocolate?

How about both?

Last week/weekend was horrible. In fact, it wasn't like an actual weekend, but an extension to the work week. Here is how things went.

Thursday

Work 7-6
Work 7-12
Sleep

Friday

Work 7-6
Dinner with friends 7-10
Sleep

Saturday

Move 7-2X
Work 3X-12
Sleep

Sunday

Move 8-3X
Visit with friends 3X-7
Sleep

I barely had time to eat, let alone sleep this weekend. I am still worn out. For the first time, I smelled coffee and wanted some! I don't even like coffee. I poured myself a cup and was debating over regular or hazelnut creamer. I came to the conclusion it didn't matter which I choose I would still be gagging this shit down. That's when I saw it. The box of hot chocolate. Hot chocolate? Hot chocolate! But that was too sweet! So, I did what anyone would do. I used the packet of hot chocolate as creamer so now I have a yummy coffee that tastes like it could have came from Starbucks, only it didn't cost me $6.89!!!!

YAY! I know I've said it before. I'm a genius! They should promote me!

*shakes head* Some People...

I have this think with Lover. When ever someone of his race (he is half black and half white) does something wrong/stupid/shameful I shake my head and say, "Your people." I do the same if it's it is one of his family members.


Today while driving on surface streets, this car acted as though he was going to merge into my lane, but it stopped about half way there and wasn't pulling forward. So, I did what any other driver would do, I went around him, which caused me drive half way into the turn lane. I looked behind me as I was pulling away from the vehicle and the vehicle turned it's lights on. I thought FUCK, he is so going to pull me over for driving in the turn lane (even though it was for less than 10 feet).

Well, the undercover didn't care, and when I looked forward, I understood what he was trying to do. He was trying to get traffic to merge in the right hand lane, because other cops were blocking the street. "OH!" I thought. He must have known that I didn't realize and he understood. Apparently a couple of good Samaritans did care. They ran up on my ass, cut off the car behind me, and I heard them hollering to the cop (and I say cop, although I am positive it was US Marshall or something because cops don't drive brown SUVs). Anyway, the "good Samaritans" were hollering for the cop to, "get that bitch," while pointing at my vehicle. At this point I was stopped due to a traffic light causing traffic to back up. The cop rolled up (in the turn lane) and requested that I pull into the turn lane for a second.

At this point, I knew I had done nothing wrong and I wasn't worried. As the "good Samaritan" car approached to pass me I heard, "Yea, get that bitch. Tryin to act stupid!" As the passed I was shaking my head. I mean really? I am in no way going to try and defend myself my saying I am not a Bitch. But, really??? Who the hell goes to lengths like that.

When the "good Samaritans" saw that I was shaking my head and smiling as they passed their demeanor changed and words changed to, "OH! Look at her, we're going to get her." they actually gave me some entertainment for the day. Nothing quite like this has happened to me since I left Weed, CA and even then I probably deserved it. I don't know exactly what they thought they were going to do. It amazes me how people think they can intimidate or scare someone. I was surrounded my 3-5 cops/Marshalls I wasn't acting crazy and I did nothing wrong. Hmm... Let me think about this one... They weren't going to do anything.

They left my sight and the cop pulled back up to my window and said, "I was just waiting for them to leave, so they couldn't bother you. You can go now."

"Thank you, Sir. Have a great day."

I thought of Lover.
*Shakes Head* Some people....

A little Humor

I started my Business Law class yesterday. It's a online class, how I prefer classes to be taken. In order to "participate" students are required to post at least 2 "substantive" posts on at least 4 days for a total of 8 posts.

Sometimes Professors will give a student credit if he or she posts 8 substantive posts in the week. THIS Professor is clearly against that as he states "The participation requirement is that you must have at least 2 substantive posts on 4 separate days to receive full credit. You cannot have 8 substantive posts in one day and receive full credit."

Participation is not something I care too much about, it's not worth a lot of points and to me not that important. In other words I am lazy and only usallu contribute enough to "get by" with an A. I am also known to be one of those students who posts 8 messages on the last day pertaining to various topics in relation to the class and cross my fingers hopeing the Professor wont notice or care.

This Professor, after stating 8 posts on the last day does not count, continues on by stating, "You may, however, have 28 substantive posts with at least 2 on three days and 22 on the 4th day and receive full credit."

That above statement cracked me up and continues to do so as I can't help but imagine myself trying to scramble on the last day of class to post 22 messages that substantive and relevant to the course material. That would of course me assuming I bothered to post on the prio 3 days.

I think I might actually be forced to participate in this class and the Professor has already, in his own way, motivated me to want to. Plus, I like Business Law and I might actually learn something new for a change.

Night Baby

I love Cinderella; she is the light of both mine and Lover’s life. However, I still feel like I am entitled to strongly dislike her and specific points in time.




This weekend Cinderella was AWFUL! Horrible, horrible, horrible. She made it VERY easy to NOT miss her after being dropped off at Baby Momma’s house.



She woke up every hour from midnight until 3. In which she would not go to sleep until she was picked up and rocked back to sleep. It was at 3 that I finally gave in and just laid her on my chest and went to bed myself. She feel asleep, I fell asleep and all was well. I woke up sometime between 5:30 and 6:00 in the morning, put Cinderella in her crib and passed out. Cinderella woke up sometime around 7 and refused to go back to sleep.



She was NOT my favorite person this weekend. I still don’t think I miss her much right now.

60 Days

It's taken me awhile to be able to talk about this.

Last Friday, actually, I believe it was the Friday before last we got a phone call from our builder representative. 60 days she tells me. She tells me the house will be done in 60 days. That is CRAZY! Lover and I expected that they would be done with the house in June, which worked out perfectly since out lease is up the end of March.

Perfect timing because after our lease, we were going to go live with his Mom until the house was done and save money. Now? It looks like the house is going to be done around the same time that our lease is up. Maybe even a little after. So, the plan is to stay with his Mom only until we close escrow. So, that will only be about 2 weeks of saving money for us.

Let me tell you for SURE. That now we are at about 50 days away from being Home Owners my mind can't think of anything but the negative. What if the loan falls through? What if we can't close escrow when the builders says we need to close? What if? What if? What if?

UGH! My stomach is in constant butterfly mode and it hasn't made it's way back up the ladder since it dropped 2 Friday's ago. We should be getting some good news tomorrow and I am SOOO looking forward to having that in my hands.

I Just Don't Like It

I'm talking about feet. I just don't like them.

I don't want to be touched by feet, I don't want your feet touching me. The only thing that I find acceptable is someone else rubbing my feet. And let me tell you! It wasn't until I was 16 that I had my first pedicure and even allowed that. Now, that I have Lover, he is obligated to rub my feet at least twice a week!

Back to my point...

I just can't explain why I don't like them. Maybe it is the fact that almost every foot I have ever seen had some sort of "crust" on it and I don't want that "crust" to scratch me. Or it could be that feet are just ugly. Or maybe it's because they stink. OR because they sweat all grossly.

Regardless, Lover KNOWS I don't like feet. He KNOWS I don't want feet touching me. We have been sleeping in the same bed for over 6 months now, he KNOWS to keep his feet away! BUT, knowing Lover is to love Lover. I don't think he will EVER stop putting his feet on me to get a "reaction."

At first, I think he did it, because to "test" me. Maybe he thought I wasn't serious about not liking feet and he wanted to catch me off guard to see if I would still scream and snatch my feet away. I bet after a few months he believed that I truly didn't like feet, but THEN being a man, he wanted to "fix" me. You know? Make it so that I wouldn't dislike feet anymore.

So, he continued to put his feet on my ankle, my feet, my thigh, my calf, etc. in hopes that I would "grow out of it." Well, it's been almost 6 months and I haven't nor will I GROW out of not liking feet. And now, he is just irritating me with false promises that he will stop doing it on purpose, and lies that he "didn't mean to."

It's just plain irritating and I wish he would stop. But he wont. *sigh*

Weddings are STUPID!

Weddings. Are. Stupid.

Let me explain...

I work weddings ALL the time, I bartend for them. I LOVE weddings. I make LOTS of money at weddings.

I would rather WORK a wedding than be A PART of the wedding.

Lover's best friend is getting married in April and he is one of two groomsmen and the best man. A few weeks ago, they all went out looking for a suit/tux to wear. They didn't really find anything, BUT there was this awesome deal for a tux. It would be like $75 for everything. Isn't that great? It's a wonderful deal and it saves EVERYONE money! YAY! So... They decide they will go back closer to the wedding date and get those...

What happens today?

Ring ring.... ring... ring ring...

"Hi, Baby!"

"Hey, so did you redue the budget?"

I have our finances budgeted out for a year and I am updating it daily or when major things change.

"Yup."

"Where is it?"

Where the hell is this conversation going? I don't know why Lover is so worried about it, it's not like he has ANY access to spend money. I took that away from him. "I forgot it at work yesterday, why?"

"Well, Jeff*, Joe's* best man, got us suits."

"Oh wow, that's great! I mean, he bought them for you guys."

"Well, he bought them, but we have to pay him back."

Now, I didn't even know the amount. Frankly, how much Jeff paid for the suits is irrelevant, because JEFF never should have gone out and made a financial decision without consulting the rest of the group. JEFF needs to take a Business 101 class on how things are handled in the REAL world. Because in the real World, if I don't tell you that I want something, you don't get it for me. AND if you do get it for me, you don't ask me to pay you for it. I didn't want it. If I wanted it, I would have told you. Did I tell you I wanted it? No. Well?

"Oh?"

"Yea, it uhhh..." (I always know when Lover is going to tell me something I don't want to hear because he says uhhhh, well, ummm a lot) "it came out to about $600 so we owe him about $216."

"My ass! We can't afford that. Who the hell does Jeff think he is? He can't just go out and make a financial decision for everyone. I thought you guys all agreed on getting the tux's"

"So did I."

"Well, you need to call Joe and tell him we can't afford it. You need to tell him that Jeff had no right make that decision and if anyone decided to wear suits, then we could have RENTED yours. We don't have the money. I swear if we have to buy this suit, then Joe doesn't get a wedding present. We. Can't. Afford. It. You need to fix this."

"I'll call Joe and just tell him we weren't expecting this."

"Yea, and make sure he knows we CANNOT afford it. And that Jeff had no right doing this."

"Okay, Babe. I am sure he is at work right now, but I'll call him."

I'm still PISSED! It's things like this that make me want to take up smoking again.

* Names changed just in case the rest of the World knows who they are, I want to protect them from being publicly flogged for stupidity! Well, maybe I don't want to protect them from it, but I certainly don't want to be sued for their flogging, if you know what I mean ;)

Alzheimer's

I remember, back in the day, when people used to say, "Alzheimer's" whether in a movie or standing right next to me. I would have sworn on my Nintendo (cause that's how I rolled) that they said, "old- timers." Yes, old timers. Doesn't it make since. Old people. Time. Old people? Time?

It must be just me.

Is It Safe to Scream?

I know. I am getting a little redundant by repeating the same thing over and over again.

But.

I am truly tired of my job. I am tired of it. Sick of it. If it wasn't for that little (okay not so little) thing called money, I would have quit months ago. Mrs. NHJ is more of a bitch and I just can't take it anymore. Can't. Take. It. Any.More.

Oh I just want to get into the house so that I no longer have to worry about a mortgage company wants a 2 year job history.

I need a career change. I need to get out of the oil business and move on to something much better.

I never have been the type of person who liked listening to other people. I guess deep down I have always known that I would only be truly happy working for myself.

I have a few more months to decide about this career change.

Awake

I rewatched this movie last night. I saw it about 2 years ago, shortly after it came out on DVD (Maybe that wasn't quite 2 years ago). Anyway, it was around the same time I was to have my wisdom teeth removed. Not really a smart idea, right? Watching a movie about anesthesia awareness just a few short days before undergoing some anesthesia yourself (or something in the same family of). Well, you're right. I was officially freaked out and if my teeth didn't bother the shit out of me, I would have cancelled the appointment.

I went and oh boy did I discover something about myself.

I've always had a high tolerance for drugs and a high tolerance for alcohol. If the directions say to only take 2 aspirin every 4-6 hours I find myself taking 4 every 2-4 hours. If a recipe calls for 1 oz of alcohol I will add 2. Why the hell not?

So, with this awake scare and the notion of my high tolerance I was scared shitless sitting in that chair. I expressed my concern with the dentist. I felt like he blew me off, he didn't seem to take me seriously! Like he looks and listens to scared paranoid people all the time sitting in that chair. I'm not like them! I'm not just paranoid! I have facts and statistics. Why are you looking at me like that? You're expression just went from "I'm blowing you off" to "You need a psychosis."

They injected me with something, I have no idea what it was, my assumption was that it was the stuff they needed to knock me the hell out so that I wouldn't feel or remember a thing! 1 minute goes by, 2 minutes go by. 5 minutes. Nothing. 10 Minutes nothing. Ugh! Shouldn't you be telling me to count backwards from 10 by now? I didn't even get to spit these words out before she placed something over my mouth and I breathed it in for a little bit. I knew it was "laughing gas" and since I have such a high tolerance for mind games and hallucinogens I didn't think this was anything different, I didn't think it would make me laugh.

To this day, I still maintain that I made myself laugh. I was thinking that I should be laughing but nothing was funny, and then she did it. She tripped. She didn't really trip and fall, but she stumbled on her feet and I chuckled. It took me all of 2 seconds to realize that it wasn't funny and I started laughing at myself laughing at her non-funny stumble. See? I made myself laugh, and to this day I still laugh at myself. That is the last thing I remember.

Until...

I felt this terrible sensation in my jaw. It felt like they were ripping it open, like it was connected to one of those machines that Jigsaw made up in the saw movie! Yea! Freaky. Unfortunately, my mind really thought they had my jaw hooked up to one of those. It makes perfect sense, they were removing my wisdom teeth and needed to see. I tried to tell them that it was too tight and they needed to loosen it! That if it was any tighter I was sure my jaw would snap. I was panicking! Desperately panicking and I couldn't move, or do anything!

Then, I realized that they were still working on my teeth!

"Ugh! I'm awake! Stop! I'm awake! Don't do that! I need more drugs!" All these statements unsuccesfully spattered out of my mouth. I couldn't say anything and I was freaking out!

Then, I heard it. I heard the *crunch* the soundof teeth cracking in my mouth. Teeth..Cracking. "You didn't get it all! dumb ass! Pull the rest of the tooth out! It broke, I heard it! I don't want teeth to be there, I don't want to do this again." My cries still not heard.

Then I was finally able to open my eyes and the nurse, who noted my distress, told me I was fine and to calm down. I realized that my mouth and the last what I am sure was only 2 minutes was brought to my attention. My mouth wasn't hooked up to one of those machines, there was just a shit load of gaze in my mouth, and I later found out that he did not leave half of a wisdom tooth in my mouth.

I don't think that I was "awake" during the procedure. But, I am positive the drugs wore off before he was finished and that is why I was somewhat aware of my surrounding at the end of the procedure.

I woke up craving a cigarette and vanilla shake. Then, after a nice 3 hour nap I woke up feeling like I had been reborn and immediatly headed to the bar.

Regardless, while writing my review of the movie Awake, I came to the realization that my nightmares about my teeth cracking are directly related to the last 2 minutes of awareness and hearing the crack of my last tooth being removed from my mouth. I'll be scared for life, but they gave me a T-Shirt that said "It was a Gassszzzzzzz" (It was a Dr. Gass I went to), so I think I'll live and I'm not suing for damages... yet ;)

My Average

Since September of 2007 I have averaged 1 ticket every 3 to 4 months. *sigh* It started with my ticket in September, speeding.


I'm a consistent, and constant speeder. It's like second nature to me. I HAVE to be in front of everyone. Then, if I ever make it to the front, I speed up to make sure there is no one else there. It's a competition that I am constantly battling and trying to beat. Anyway I was on my way to Sacramenton (from Weed) to drop my friend off at the airport. It's 300 miles and a 4 hour drive, I was determined to make it in 3. Let's not forget that it was midnight and by the time I was pulled over it was almost 2 in the morning. Plus, we were in the middle of no where. The middle of no where at 2 in the morning!!! The stupid cop should have been at Denny's, not writing inconsequential tickets to innocent drivers just trying to get somwhere. Plus, he and I were the ONLY people on the road. I made it in 3 1/2 hours. I went to traffic for this one


I digress...


Ticket #2 came the end of January. I was moving from one apartment to the other and a stupid camera, that I didn't even know was there, flashed and gave me a STUPID ticket! I went to traffic school for this one. Before all you letter of the law's start telling me that you can't do traffic school so close to one another. My first ticket was CALIFORNIA, my second was ARIZONA. I was allowed to do it. Now, something that I didn't realize at the time, photo radar tickets DO NOT count as points or go on your record. It is just a stupid way for the city to collect money. So, basically I paid MORE money to go to driving school than it would have cost me to just pay off the ticket, and it didn't matter. Thus, I hindered my ability to go to traffic for the next 2 years in Arizona.


Ticket #3 was in March-April. I was pulled over and got a Gore Lane violation. For those of you who don't know what the Gore Lane is... It is the triangle part of the road that isn't a lane but helps those entering the freeway to get on the freeway. I illustrated it below:





As you can see, the Gore Lane isn't actually a lane as it is an area. They named it after some Officer Gore who was hit and killed while pulling someone over in this area.


Obviously, I couldn't go to traffic school for this infraction. Luckily, it is only worth 2 points, and in AZ you're allowed to have 8 in a year. Woot Woot!

My third ticket? Photo radar. Fourth? Photo radar. It's not that I didn't see them, or know to slow down it is more that I wasn't paying attention and FORGOT to slow down. I thin kone was at 4 in the morning when I got off work.

Fifth? That's easy. It was in California, Decemeber 2008. The cop wrote me for 120 in a 65. Lying Bitch! I know I was speeding. Maybe 90 or so. But I wasn't driving that fast. In fact, I have a govenor in my car that wont even let me drive faster than 110. I called her a liar and she was pissed! dumb bitch cop! She lied. I got the proof on the govenor and maximum speed limit. Fought it in court, which cost me 2 vacation days, 3 bartending jobs, 2 hotel, and gas there and back twice. PLUS, I had to pay 1,800 in court fees and fines to hold my spot in court. The judge ignored everything I presented and still found me guilty. he obviously needs to go back to school , becuase the evidence clearly stated that I was innocent and the cop was a lying, cum guzzleing whore.

Sixth? Was again for speeding. Well, i wasn't speeding. I was tricked into rear ending someone so the cop wrote me a ticket for failure to control speed to avoid an acident or some shit like that.

In June of 2009 I got an airplane ticket! yea AIRPLANE! Can you believe my fucking luck? The CHP airplane paced me, and radioed down to a partol unit who pulled me over and wrote me the ticket. Luckily, it was 1 1/2 years after the first time I did traffic school and I was able to get rid of that one ASAP!

I was doing soooo good! No tickets for a long time (long for me). The other day I was thinking to myself that I was about due for a ticket. Isn't it funny that I remind myself when I am going to get a ticket. I thought to myself, that's sad!

Well, my luck ran otu yesterday on my way home from work! UGH!

I was driving home, minding my own business in the car pool lane, when BAM! Cop! Damn it! Stupid! Why did he have to pull me over? Asshole! The funny thing was he was the one who gave me the ticket for the failure to control speed, yadda yadda yadda. Jerk. So, the ticket costs $388 and 2 points. Dumb! The worse part is? I can't remember exactly WHEN it was that I did traffic school the last time in AZ. It would be WAY cheaper if I could just do traffic school! But I am not sure when that was! I have until February 17th to figure it out!

... and Then It Hit Me

More often lately I have been thinking about kids.

Having them.
How I want mine to turn out.
Why?
When?
How many?
Gender, etc...

When I was younger. I ALWAYS wanted to have a girl. "Girls are easier," I told myself, "Boys are complicated." Shows how much a 6 year old knows. At one point I had it planned out. I would have 1 boy, wait 3 months, get pregnant, have another boy, wait 2 years, have twin girls. Then, down the road (5 or 6 years later) I would have a baby boy - If I still wanted kids. You see the 2 older boys would protect the twin girls and then the youngest boy would be my "momma's boy."

Then, I saw a psychic and she told me I would have 3 kids, which stills doesn't clarify anything for me.
Am I going to give birth to 3 kids?
Am I going to marry someone who has 3 kids?
Am I going to adopt 3 kids?
Or a combination of any of the above?

So... I have made up my mind that I definitely want a boy. I could only have boys and be completely and utterly (or is it udderly) happy. In other words... I don't want girls. Lover wants girls, but he has a daughter, Cinderella.

For the longest time I was confounded as to what changed between that 6 year old, that girl at the psychic, and the woman I see in the mirror today.

... and then it hit me. I always KNEW. I say why and am reminded by why almost EVERY day.

I never. ever. want to put any daughter of mine through half of the torture, stress, and drama that I had to endure through my childhood. No. I don't care that I was not one of "cool" kids. No. It doesn't change who I am today. But guess what? It doesn't mean that it was any easier THEN.

Girls... Are bitches.

It's true. We are a very cruel, devious, selfish, and... bitches. Let's go back to when you were in school...

Who did you want to hang out with? "The popular girls." At the same time those were the girls who would spit in your shoes, steal your lunch, and frame YOU for stealing the test answers. Who the hell did they think they were? As hard as that is, it STILL isn't the whole reason girls are bitches, there's more!

We don't care how about other's feelings and we will do/say anything we can in order to boost our selves up on the pedestal of life. It's all bull shit. I know what you are saying. "Not ALL girls" You're wrong. Yes, it is all girls because if there is a female who didn't act like I am describing, they would not be a girl - they would be a woman or a young woman.

I don't want to have a daughter who is worried about how "fat" she is, just because she hasn't grown into her body yet.

I don't want to have a daughter who is worried about wearing designer clothes and the latest trends because it's what "her friends" are doing. She looks just as beautiful in $20 jeans as she does in $100 jeans.

I don't want my daughter to be laughed at, made fun of, or cry because of those cruel girls in the world. Most importantly I don't want a daughter to make fun of, make someone cry or be one of bitchy cruel girls in the world.

I know what you are going to say next. You can raise your daughter to not be any of the above. You're wrong. It is inevitable that every girl will take this treacherous journey into the cruel and unusual punishment we call childhood. We can only guide our children, show them the right way... We cannot force them down a path. From day 1 they will be traveling alone.

Boys have it easy. No worries about what they wear or how clean it is. No preconceived notions on personality or looks. They are accepted for who they are and that's it. I want boys.

The Truth About Men

Part 1.

They are selfish.

Broken Teeth

Almost all of my nightmares revolve around my teeth. I am one of those people you hate, who always had straight teeth, and never needed braces. In fact, I once proved to someone who had braces that my teeth were straighter than his by biting into a styrofoam cup. He started it and wanted to know, I could care less, and after we compared cups, mine were straighter.

So, I'm a little proud, but I never brag or bring it up unless someone else does first - with the exception of this blog.

I once dreamed that by biting into an apple my bottom teeth broke off in half. I woke up crying in the fetal position.

Last night, I had a similar dream. I can't remember what I was doing. It felt like I was decorating someone's home, but I was at work at the same time, so who knows! All day, in the dream, my top front left (my left) tooth was bothering me. Lunch time finally came. I sat down to start chowing down and my tooth was loose, so I pulled it out. I mean, it just came right out root and all and it didn't even hurt. It was like pulling the pen out of the cap. Weird, right? In the dream, I had some strange notion that every adult looses their "adult" teeth and grow back knew ones. Finally, I woke up.

When I first woke up I remember being a little baffled. Most dreams feel weird and I woke up thinking I was still in my dream and lost all my memory from the time my tooth broke until I woke up in bed. Then, I remembered that I lost my damn tooth! And then I remembered that I was WRONG! You're not suppose to loose your adult teeth and they don't grow back! Panic insured. I felt my upper teeth with my tongue. My tooth was still there. *sigh* It was just a dream, I told myself and lay my head back down to sleep. Not before reaching up with my finger and feeling my tooth, just in case my tongue was in on it. :P

Does this mean I'm getting older quicker?

The holidays just kind of FLEW by! I mean one day it was Halloween, then the next day it was Thanksgiving and then Christmas and finally New Years.

WOW! What a week right? It actually took about 2 months. It went by crazy fast. I remember when it seemed like it took FOR.EVER before Thanksgiving came, and even LONGER to make it to Christmas!

I guess as we get older time goes by much faster. *sigh*

I am glad they came, but I am also glad to know that the holidays are OVER. It's back to normal like we go!

This Year...

It's New Years Resolution time!!! Have you thought about what you are going to accomplish this year? You have a whole year to do it!!!



2009 was actually the first year that I kept my resolution. Since I was 13 I have had the same resolutions:

1. Loose weight

2. Eat less sweets.

3. Don't eat out often.

4. Quit smoking.

5. Stretch more.



Can you guess what my resolution was for last year?



To quit smoking.



And I did it! Around June time I drew in my last breath of Kool's Super Long and exhaled into a new life. I don't notice any CHANGES to not smoking, expect for the noticeable 5-10 pounds I put on. Sucks right? But the alternative is lung cancer, so I guess I'm still doing pretty good for myself. I really have Lover to thank for not smoking. I mean, he isn't a smoker; so I didn't smoke around him, and then I started "hiding" the smoking (he thought I quit in March) and then in June we moved in together. I figured there was NO WAY I would be able to live with him and be a smoker and think he wouldn't figure it out soon. So, I quit. Cold turkey. I guess I loved Lover more than I loved cigarettes.



For this years resolution I had to think about it for a long time. Not a LONG time, but I mean, I really put some thought into it.



Last year, in the beginning or the year, I read a lot of books. I like to read smutty trashy romance novels. OH! And I had the pleasure of reading the entire Twilight series. YIPPE! So, I would like to read a lot more.



In 2009, I also discovered what it felt like to fall in love. Even more importantly, I discovered what it felt like to BE loved. To truly be loved and be held by warm and loving hands. I have no doubts this spirit will carry out throughout the rest of mine and Lover's life.

If you haven't figured it out already... Lover and I are buying a home. The home buying process is STRESSFUL and I HATE having to deal with it. In the end, I just want to be in my home, curled up in my new bed and drinking lots of wine. :P So, this why I have decided to dedicate my entire year to this house. By the end of the year, I want to not only be living in, but have my home decorated to my liking so that in 2011 the only thing I have to worry about it where I put the wine glasses to dry! :P