... and Then It Hit Me

More often lately I have been thinking about kids.

Having them.
How I want mine to turn out.
Why?
When?
How many?
Gender, etc...

When I was younger. I ALWAYS wanted to have a girl. "Girls are easier," I told myself, "Boys are complicated." Shows how much a 6 year old knows. At one point I had it planned out. I would have 1 boy, wait 3 months, get pregnant, have another boy, wait 2 years, have twin girls. Then, down the road (5 or 6 years later) I would have a baby boy - If I still wanted kids. You see the 2 older boys would protect the twin girls and then the youngest boy would be my "momma's boy."

Then, I saw a psychic and she told me I would have 3 kids, which stills doesn't clarify anything for me.
Am I going to give birth to 3 kids?
Am I going to marry someone who has 3 kids?
Am I going to adopt 3 kids?
Or a combination of any of the above?

So... I have made up my mind that I definitely want a boy. I could only have boys and be completely and utterly (or is it udderly) happy. In other words... I don't want girls. Lover wants girls, but he has a daughter, Cinderella.

For the longest time I was confounded as to what changed between that 6 year old, that girl at the psychic, and the woman I see in the mirror today.

... and then it hit me. I always KNEW. I say why and am reminded by why almost EVERY day.

I never. ever. want to put any daughter of mine through half of the torture, stress, and drama that I had to endure through my childhood. No. I don't care that I was not one of "cool" kids. No. It doesn't change who I am today. But guess what? It doesn't mean that it was any easier THEN.

Girls... Are bitches.

It's true. We are a very cruel, devious, selfish, and... bitches. Let's go back to when you were in school...

Who did you want to hang out with? "The popular girls." At the same time those were the girls who would spit in your shoes, steal your lunch, and frame YOU for stealing the test answers. Who the hell did they think they were? As hard as that is, it STILL isn't the whole reason girls are bitches, there's more!

We don't care how about other's feelings and we will do/say anything we can in order to boost our selves up on the pedestal of life. It's all bull shit. I know what you are saying. "Not ALL girls" You're wrong. Yes, it is all girls because if there is a female who didn't act like I am describing, they would not be a girl - they would be a woman or a young woman.

I don't want to have a daughter who is worried about how "fat" she is, just because she hasn't grown into her body yet.

I don't want to have a daughter who is worried about wearing designer clothes and the latest trends because it's what "her friends" are doing. She looks just as beautiful in $20 jeans as she does in $100 jeans.

I don't want my daughter to be laughed at, made fun of, or cry because of those cruel girls in the world. Most importantly I don't want a daughter to make fun of, make someone cry or be one of bitchy cruel girls in the world.

I know what you are going to say next. You can raise your daughter to not be any of the above. You're wrong. It is inevitable that every girl will take this treacherous journey into the cruel and unusual punishment we call childhood. We can only guide our children, show them the right way... We cannot force them down a path. From day 1 they will be traveling alone.

Boys have it easy. No worries about what they wear or how clean it is. No preconceived notions on personality or looks. They are accepted for who they are and that's it. I want boys.