I Needed This Today

E-mail forward: Why Boys Need Parents...

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep..
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Hope you laughed as hard as I did!

Coffee or Hot Chocolate?

How about both?

Last week/weekend was horrible. In fact, it wasn't like an actual weekend, but an extension to the work week. Here is how things went.

Thursday

Work 7-6
Work 7-12
Sleep

Friday

Work 7-6
Dinner with friends 7-10
Sleep

Saturday

Move 7-2X
Work 3X-12
Sleep

Sunday

Move 8-3X
Visit with friends 3X-7
Sleep

I barely had time to eat, let alone sleep this weekend. I am still worn out. For the first time, I smelled coffee and wanted some! I don't even like coffee. I poured myself a cup and was debating over regular or hazelnut creamer. I came to the conclusion it didn't matter which I choose I would still be gagging this shit down. That's when I saw it. The box of hot chocolate. Hot chocolate? Hot chocolate! But that was too sweet! So, I did what anyone would do. I used the packet of hot chocolate as creamer so now I have a yummy coffee that tastes like it could have came from Starbucks, only it didn't cost me $6.89!!!!

YAY! I know I've said it before. I'm a genius! They should promote me!

*shakes head* Some People...

I have this think with Lover. When ever someone of his race (he is half black and half white) does something wrong/stupid/shameful I shake my head and say, "Your people." I do the same if it's it is one of his family members.


Today while driving on surface streets, this car acted as though he was going to merge into my lane, but it stopped about half way there and wasn't pulling forward. So, I did what any other driver would do, I went around him, which caused me drive half way into the turn lane. I looked behind me as I was pulling away from the vehicle and the vehicle turned it's lights on. I thought FUCK, he is so going to pull me over for driving in the turn lane (even though it was for less than 10 feet).

Well, the undercover didn't care, and when I looked forward, I understood what he was trying to do. He was trying to get traffic to merge in the right hand lane, because other cops were blocking the street. "OH!" I thought. He must have known that I didn't realize and he understood. Apparently a couple of good Samaritans did care. They ran up on my ass, cut off the car behind me, and I heard them hollering to the cop (and I say cop, although I am positive it was US Marshall or something because cops don't drive brown SUVs). Anyway, the "good Samaritans" were hollering for the cop to, "get that bitch," while pointing at my vehicle. At this point I was stopped due to a traffic light causing traffic to back up. The cop rolled up (in the turn lane) and requested that I pull into the turn lane for a second.

At this point, I knew I had done nothing wrong and I wasn't worried. As the "good Samaritan" car approached to pass me I heard, "Yea, get that bitch. Tryin to act stupid!" As the passed I was shaking my head. I mean really? I am in no way going to try and defend myself my saying I am not a Bitch. But, really??? Who the hell goes to lengths like that.

When the "good Samaritans" saw that I was shaking my head and smiling as they passed their demeanor changed and words changed to, "OH! Look at her, we're going to get her." they actually gave me some entertainment for the day. Nothing quite like this has happened to me since I left Weed, CA and even then I probably deserved it. I don't know exactly what they thought they were going to do. It amazes me how people think they can intimidate or scare someone. I was surrounded my 3-5 cops/Marshalls I wasn't acting crazy and I did nothing wrong. Hmm... Let me think about this one... They weren't going to do anything.

They left my sight and the cop pulled back up to my window and said, "I was just waiting for them to leave, so they couldn't bother you. You can go now."

"Thank you, Sir. Have a great day."

I thought of Lover.
*Shakes Head* Some people....

They Stole 2 Hours From Me

I slept soooo good last night! It didn't take me more than 10 minutes to fall asleep. I never woke up once, not even to go pee. It was great.

That all changed at about 5 am when I was violently awakened by ringing in my ears. I played it off as the whole "someone is talking shit about me, so my ears are ringing" and tried to peacefully go back to sleep. No go. There was this incesant noise and it was penetrating deep into my cerrabellum. It wouldn't go away. After 20 minutes of sleeping for a minute and waking up, then sleeping for a minute and waking up again, I just couldn't take it anymore! I turned to The Man and asked if he heard that noise. Oh thank gosh! So, I am not going crazy yet. I knew I still had a few years left in me before THAT happened.

It was another 20 - 30 minutes before The Man finally got out of bed and went to find out what it was. The second he opened the front door, it was a deeper penetration, a higher pitch, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't even put my hands over my ears to get rid of the noise. Lover come back to bed and says that it was a car! A Car? WTF! That is not a car alarm. How the hell does a car make that kind of noise? They don't!

I try to go back to sleep, but can't. My alarm goes off and instead of getting up I waited for the seond alarm 17 minutes later. I finally got up and went out to find out what the heck was making that sound. I didn't examine the situation long enough to know WHICH car was making the horrible noise, UGH! I can say with almost positivity that the noise was the car horn, like someone laying on the horn. Literally, LAYING on the horn. I better read in the paper tomorrow that someone was murdered in their car at the apartment complex I work at, because I am pissed! It was like somone just put something on their steering wheel to have a constant horn sound. Not Beep, beep, beep. We are talking BBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Without the p, no 'pa.'

I'm tired! My head STILL wont stop ringing, even though the awefullness stopped about 5 minutes before I left for work.