Attacked

I went into my bedroom, closed the door, and started getting ready for my nightly shower.
What was that?

I spun around midway of rinsing off my face.

Nothing.

I carefully finished washing and then dryed off. I turned around to place the towel back on the rack and there HE was. THERE was the introduded!



At least this is one of the senarios my brain kept fumbling through last night. Being all alone in a big house can scare a girl! I mean, someone really could have come into the house. What if they did? I don't like being bymyself and this why! My mind starts to wander to bad things happening. I get scared. I even slept with the bedroom door closed last night and Lover had to wake me up when he got off work for me to open it for him.

It's just something I have to get use to... I guess.

*shakes head* Some People...

I have this think with Lover. When ever someone of his race (he is half black and half white) does something wrong/stupid/shameful I shake my head and say, "Your people." I do the same if it's it is one of his family members.


Today while driving on surface streets, this car acted as though he was going to merge into my lane, but it stopped about half way there and wasn't pulling forward. So, I did what any other driver would do, I went around him, which caused me drive half way into the turn lane. I looked behind me as I was pulling away from the vehicle and the vehicle turned it's lights on. I thought FUCK, he is so going to pull me over for driving in the turn lane (even though it was for less than 10 feet).

Well, the undercover didn't care, and when I looked forward, I understood what he was trying to do. He was trying to get traffic to merge in the right hand lane, because other cops were blocking the street. "OH!" I thought. He must have known that I didn't realize and he understood. Apparently a couple of good Samaritans did care. They ran up on my ass, cut off the car behind me, and I heard them hollering to the cop (and I say cop, although I am positive it was US Marshall or something because cops don't drive brown SUVs). Anyway, the "good Samaritans" were hollering for the cop to, "get that bitch," while pointing at my vehicle. At this point I was stopped due to a traffic light causing traffic to back up. The cop rolled up (in the turn lane) and requested that I pull into the turn lane for a second.

At this point, I knew I had done nothing wrong and I wasn't worried. As the "good Samaritan" car approached to pass me I heard, "Yea, get that bitch. Tryin to act stupid!" As the passed I was shaking my head. I mean really? I am in no way going to try and defend myself my saying I am not a Bitch. But, really??? Who the hell goes to lengths like that.

When the "good Samaritans" saw that I was shaking my head and smiling as they passed their demeanor changed and words changed to, "OH! Look at her, we're going to get her." they actually gave me some entertainment for the day. Nothing quite like this has happened to me since I left Weed, CA and even then I probably deserved it. I don't know exactly what they thought they were going to do. It amazes me how people think they can intimidate or scare someone. I was surrounded my 3-5 cops/Marshalls I wasn't acting crazy and I did nothing wrong. Hmm... Let me think about this one... They weren't going to do anything.

They left my sight and the cop pulled back up to my window and said, "I was just waiting for them to leave, so they couldn't bother you. You can go now."

"Thank you, Sir. Have a great day."

I thought of Lover.
*Shakes Head* Some people....

Weddings are STUPID!

Weddings. Are. Stupid.

Let me explain...

I work weddings ALL the time, I bartend for them. I LOVE weddings. I make LOTS of money at weddings.

I would rather WORK a wedding than be A PART of the wedding.

Lover's best friend is getting married in April and he is one of two groomsmen and the best man. A few weeks ago, they all went out looking for a suit/tux to wear. They didn't really find anything, BUT there was this awesome deal for a tux. It would be like $75 for everything. Isn't that great? It's a wonderful deal and it saves EVERYONE money! YAY! So... They decide they will go back closer to the wedding date and get those...

What happens today?

Ring ring.... ring... ring ring...

"Hi, Baby!"

"Hey, so did you redue the budget?"

I have our finances budgeted out for a year and I am updating it daily or when major things change.

"Yup."

"Where is it?"

Where the hell is this conversation going? I don't know why Lover is so worried about it, it's not like he has ANY access to spend money. I took that away from him. "I forgot it at work yesterday, why?"

"Well, Jeff*, Joe's* best man, got us suits."

"Oh wow, that's great! I mean, he bought them for you guys."

"Well, he bought them, but we have to pay him back."

Now, I didn't even know the amount. Frankly, how much Jeff paid for the suits is irrelevant, because JEFF never should have gone out and made a financial decision without consulting the rest of the group. JEFF needs to take a Business 101 class on how things are handled in the REAL world. Because in the real World, if I don't tell you that I want something, you don't get it for me. AND if you do get it for me, you don't ask me to pay you for it. I didn't want it. If I wanted it, I would have told you. Did I tell you I wanted it? No. Well?

"Oh?"

"Yea, it uhhh..." (I always know when Lover is going to tell me something I don't want to hear because he says uhhhh, well, ummm a lot) "it came out to about $600 so we owe him about $216."

"My ass! We can't afford that. Who the hell does Jeff think he is? He can't just go out and make a financial decision for everyone. I thought you guys all agreed on getting the tux's"

"So did I."

"Well, you need to call Joe and tell him we can't afford it. You need to tell him that Jeff had no right make that decision and if anyone decided to wear suits, then we could have RENTED yours. We don't have the money. I swear if we have to buy this suit, then Joe doesn't get a wedding present. We. Can't. Afford. It. You need to fix this."

"I'll call Joe and just tell him we weren't expecting this."

"Yea, and make sure he knows we CANNOT afford it. And that Jeff had no right doing this."

"Okay, Babe. I am sure he is at work right now, but I'll call him."

I'm still PISSED! It's things like this that make me want to take up smoking again.

* Names changed just in case the rest of the World knows who they are, I want to protect them from being publicly flogged for stupidity! Well, maybe I don't want to protect them from it, but I certainly don't want to be sued for their flogging, if you know what I mean ;)

Dream #2

There are two relevant points in this dream:

1. I pushed my boss.
2. I told Mrs. No Holey Jeans (I'll explain later) to "shut up and listen for once."

An operator and myself were on our lunch break, and for some reason we decided to toss a football back and forth. Now, under no circumstances would be company be okay with us tossing a football back and forth on company property for safety and ass hole reasons. In this dream, our Safety Supervisor (let's call her Laura) was in town. her normal office is in a different state, thank gosh, because I don't know how much I could handle of her fake friendliness. Oh, it is most definitely a fake friendliness; she will jab in the back with a knife faster than you can say OSHA.

Now, Laura happened to see us tossing the football back and forth and came out to write an "incident report" (meaning you fucked up and put yourself or others in harms way) about it. My problem is that she was only going to write the incident about ME. She claimed that the operator was standing in a safe position, but I was not. Laura then went on to show me the several different places I could have been standing that would be safe.

Well, me being me. I choose to argue with Laura because not only was her reasoning completely UNreasonable, but she literally pointed out a safe spot to stand that was not more than 2 feet from me. Now, I was not arguing with her that she was wrong. I was merely asking for an explanation on WHO chooses safe versus unsafe spots? If she had a company policy regarding such issues? And the difference between Spot A and Spot B?

Are you following along? Good.

Now, this dream I was viewing via 3rd person. So, I had my "real life" mind with me and was only watching the events unfold. Kind of like, watching a documentary, of myself.

All of a sudden, my boss (let's call him Ray) and co-worker/bitch (let's call her Mrs. No Holey Jean or Mrs. NHJ) showed up and sided with her! How dare they! Then, the argument on safety all of a sudden turned into an argument of credibility where my opinion was no longer being considered. I felt like I was being treated as 1/2 of a person. The reason I was no longer "credible?" I didn't "dress up" for work. Laura started to make that a safety issue, and Mrs. NHJ was agreeing and my boss was threatening to fire me if I didn't start dressing up. In the middle of all of this I was trying to speak, and say that if they wanted me to "dress up" then they should give me a budget for it, because they don't pay me enough to buy "nice clothes." At some point I think I even asked for a policy.

I couldn't get a word in between Laura and Mrs. NHJ so I finally turned to Mrs. NHJ, looked her square in the eyes and told her to "SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK."

She responded with a hand on the hip, a movement of the head similar to a "oh no you did.n't" motion, while saying "excuse me." At which point, Ray grabbed my wrist. Yea! Grabbed me! At this point, I must have been thinking my job was finished so I pushed Ray away from me and walked off while threatening a law suit.

I only assume that I was going to my office to grab my purse and go home for the day, because I woke up as I walked into the building.

Slasher Dreams

Fair warning now... This one is dousey (i.e. long)!

I had a really weird dream the other night. Well, I had two dreams; one more stranger than the other.

This is what I remember of the dream:

- It took place in a house, that I had never been in, but it was a nice house, one that I could see myself living it.

- There were a lot of people, maybe 8 or 9 or 10. I think I knew who they were in my dream, but I don't remember any faces to know who they were or if I know them in real life.

- I have no idea why they were there.

- We somehow got into playing a "game." I know what you are thinking, maybe a little role playing, or S & M. Nope, I assure you it was nothing fun like that. Maybe it started off as hide and seek, but somehow it turned into a massacre.

- Everyone was cutting off everyone's limbs. Yea, like killing people. I remember I cut off some limbs. Someone was hiding in the kitchen, and for some reason decided to jump on the island (you know how some kitchens have islands). This particular island had that thing dangling from the ceiling that you can hang your pots and pans on. CRASH! It made a loud noise. It was the perfect amount of noise for me (the one hiding in the hallway) to jump out and so this Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon move and slash off said individuals legs with my butcher knife at the knees. YEA! I sliced through this persons legs!

- I remember "sharpening" my knife and saying something like it uses less energy the sharper the knife was. I am pretty sure I felt remorse through this whole thing. Like, I didn't want to kill and chop off everyone's limbs, but if I didn't they would do it to me. So you see? I was in this battle, kind of like the Saw movies, but without the creepy guy who puts all the strangers in the house.

- The dream was cut off by my abrupt awake-ness (I think someone killed me, because I never finished the dream. and you know they say if you see yourself killed during a dream, then you die in real life) through a fight with 2 other people from the house, where we were throwing around butcher knives like swords. I karate hacked off someone’s arm.

What the hell does all of this mean??? I finally decided to go to The Curious Dreamer to "analyze" my dream. You all know how those free analysis works? They take all the "important" words and give you what those words could mean. Then, it is up to you and your personal experiences/life to determine what the dream really means; I guess you do get what you paid for.

This is what I told the dreamer guys my dream was about: "Myself and a bunch of strangers were in house. We started to play a game where we killed each other with butcher knives and chopped off each others limbs."

This is what I get:

Being Killed

* The idea that some person or situation is attempting to take power from you or victimize you, especially mentally or emotionally. For example, dreaming that a co-worker kills you may represent when she got assigned the project you wanted last week, and you're blaming her for your not getting that opportunity.
*A fear of ill will, being taken advantage of, manipulation, or victimization

Branch (came from my word limbs)

*A branch or offshoot, or the branching out of something, can represent:
- Variation
- A divergence or diversification
- Proliferation or multiplication
- A decision or choice
- The idea of things getting more complicated
- Cause and effect
- A tangent
- A closely related topic or matter

Breaking an object (came from my word chopped)

* Breaking an object in anger can mean your emotions about whatever is represented by the object feel extreme or out of control.
* Breaking an object on purpose when not feeling angry could represent a desire or decision to be free of or finished with whatever that object represents in your life.
* Accidentally breaking an object can represent a feeling or fear of making a mistake or making a mess of a certain situation in real life.

Game

* Play, social interaction, competition, dialog. Pay attention to the type of activity, the dynamics between you and other players, and how you feel about what's going on. A game can represent a real-life activity (past, expected future, imagined, etc.) or the dynamics of a real-life situation (such as the dynamics between you and your teammates on a project at work).

Group

* A group of things or people in your real or imagined life
* Belonging or acceptance
* Abundance
* Plurality
* Pay attention to what is symbolized by whatever makes up the group.

House

* A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging.
* Also consider the mood and condition of the house (a dreary house might represent depression or sadness, a house with missing windows might represent personal boundary issues, etc.) and anything that particularly stands out about the house.

Killing

* Killing or wanting to kill often represents a desire for power or control, often based in feelings of powerlessness. Killing someone can mean:
* You'd like to take power from whomever or whatever that person represents in your real life, perhaps so you can feel less powerless
* You are angry at them in real life
* You're feeling unwilling to deal with the problems or hassles you feel they cause you
* Killing someone in self defense can mean you're feeling attacked somehow (mentally, emotionally, physically) or that you need to defend yourself or stand up for yourself somehow.
* Killing someone accidentally can mean you're afraid you'll accidentally hurt that person, that something you do may be detrimental to them somehow, or that your subconscious mind is thinking things through to make sure this doesn't happen.

Knife (as a weapon)

* Someone threatening you with a knife can represent:
* A feeling or fear of persecution, hostility, aggression, criticism, etc. from by another person or by "people in general"
* A current or recent situation where you feel your boundaries have been crossed or your integrity has been compromised by someone else

Okay, so being killed, I get it. But, they are strangers. So, somehow I feel vulnerable to the people of the World being that they are taking something from me or trying to. Like work taking away my overtime. That is a possibility. Either way, someone(s) are trying to take something from me and that’s not cool.

Branch? Irrelevant! Wait. The idea of things getting more complicated. Maybe those people are making things more complicated for me in an effort to try and take something from me. I see. So, I chop off their limbs in order to stop the complications. It’s kind of like being faced with a wall, and instead trying to break the wall down, you just walk around. Yes, walking around the wall equals chopping of human limbs. Got it!

I definitely chopped off their limbs on purpose. So, that means the desire or decision is free. That’s what I said. I eliminated the wall, and can go back to whatever it is that the people were trying to take from me.

Game. Dynamics. Hmm… Let’s see? I’m lost. This is getting tough.

Group. OH I get it! I am trying to socialize with the people in the game. Maybe they don’t want to, thus they are taking away my socialism (not to mistaken for the political term socialism). So, I hack them to get it back? No that can’t be it.

Yes, the house; the one thing I can’t stop thinking about. It felt to familiar. Like it was my house in the dream. Even though I have never seen it before. Someone might have been trying to take away my home, my security. The house was new. I don’t know I think this might have something to do with the house Lover and I are trying to buy/build. Hmm… Let’s move on.

Killing. Keeping the theme of the house, I must want to control it. Maybe, I am too anxious, and since I am also impatient, so I feel like things are out of my control, like they are playing a game with me. That means the builders are trying to take away my power and sense on controllability. They are throwing is limbs, like money and time and supplies, and instead of excepting this, I chop off those limbs (via giving them what they want, money and time to buy supplies and labor). And well, the knife, the knife must represent my anger and aggression towards them.

*sigh* Glad THAT one is settled.



I went back to sleep, thinking that when I get to work I NEED to write a blog about this! Thus giving me, Dream #2 - Coming Soon to a blog near you (I know, I'm a dork).

I Have A Dream...

Okay, not really. I had a dream and it came true, well, sort of.

The Dream:

Lover and I were sitting on our bed discussing finances. I wanted to know where he was spending all of his money. After a few moments of haggling he finally confessed that he was paying off a coworker. He owed someone he worked with $3,000 and was trying to pay it off in 5 months. He explained that he lost it while playing poker, gambling! Then he leaned in to give me a kiss. I was mad and angry, he lied to me, I had every right to be mad and angry. So, instead of embracing the kiss, I slapped him. The dream ended.

Flash forward a few hours to this morning…

I vaguely remembered the dream and probably would have forgot about it if it were not for Lover.

After I got ready for work, I went back into the bedroom to give Lover a kiss good-bye, he has Fridays off of work. This is when he asked me why I slapped him last night. With a confused look I asked, “I slapped you?” Apparently, last night I slapped him while I was sleeping. But that is not the even crazier part.

I fall asleep early and he stays up late. He is use to it. He works the Swing shift. When he went to bed last night, he went to give me a kiss good-night (again, I was sleeping), and I slapped him. I slapped him for kissing me, just like I did in my dream.