I have this think with Lover. When ever someone of his race (he is half black and half white) does something wrong/stupid/shameful I shake my head and say, "Your people." I do the same if it's it is one of his family members.
Today while driving on surface streets, this car acted as though he was going to merge into my lane, but it stopped about half way there and wasn't pulling forward. So, I did what any other driver would do, I went around him, which caused me drive half way into the turn lane. I looked behind me as I was pulling away from the vehicle and the vehicle turned it's lights on. I thought FUCK, he is so going to pull me over for driving in the turn lane (even though it was for less than 10 feet).
Well, the undercover didn't care, and when I looked forward, I understood what he was trying to do. He was trying to get traffic to merge in the right hand lane, because other cops were blocking the street. "OH!" I thought. He must have known that I didn't realize and he understood. Apparently a couple of good Samaritans did care. They ran up on my ass, cut off the car behind me, and I heard them hollering to the cop (and I say cop, although I am positive it was US Marshall or something because cops don't drive brown SUVs). Anyway, the "good Samaritans" were hollering for the cop to, "get that bitch," while pointing at my vehicle. At this point I was stopped due to a traffic light causing traffic to back up. The cop rolled up (in the turn lane) and requested that I pull into the turn lane for a second.
At this point, I knew I had done nothing wrong and I wasn't worried. As the "good Samaritan" car approached to pass me I heard, "Yea, get that bitch. Tryin to act stupid!" As the passed I was shaking my head. I mean really? I am in no way going to try and defend myself my saying I am not a Bitch. But, really??? Who the hell goes to lengths like that.
When the "good Samaritans" saw that I was shaking my head and smiling as they passed their demeanor changed and words changed to, "OH! Look at her, we're going to get her." they actually gave me some entertainment for the day. Nothing quite like this has happened to me since I left Weed, CA and even then I probably deserved it. I don't know exactly what they thought they were going to do. It amazes me how people think they can intimidate or scare someone. I was surrounded my 3-5 cops/Marshalls I wasn't acting crazy and I did nothing wrong. Hmm... Let me think about this one... They weren't going to do anything.
They left my sight and the cop pulled back up to my window and said, "I was just waiting for them to leave, so they couldn't bother you. You can go now."
"Thank you, Sir. Have a great day."
I thought of Lover.
*Shakes Head* Some people....
Showing posts with label slutty names and sexy nights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slutty names and sexy nights. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Time I Almost Got to Party with Smash Mouth (Part 2)
If you are new, tune in here to read the first part of this, I-have-no-idea-how-many-parts mantra of mine.
So where are we at?
- I was 16
- Going into my Freshman year of college
- Just got my belly button pierced without my Mom's approval
- AND I told her
- She agreed to let me go to Santa Rosa to "hang out" with Smash Mouth under the following conditions:
- Sara's cousin would be there
- No drinking (HA! Okay, Mom)
- I call her every few hours to check in (I love my Mom and her checking in!)
We are driving to Santa Rosa. Woot! Woot!
I was driving with 3 pot heads, well they weren't entirely pot heads, they smoked a lot, but not.. okay, they were pot heads. I never smoked pot, at least, I didn't want too because I was trying out for volleyball, and I couldn't confirm, but didn't know if they drug tested.
We were, oh I don't know, 2 1/2 hours away from home when EVERYTHING started coming out the closet.
There was no Jack (The male cousin). Wait, there was a Jack, but he certainly didn't know where we were going, who we would be with, and he never made any plans to meet us there.
Uh! Nice that they told me this NOW! I mean, that was one of the only reasons I felt safe enough to want to go. In fact, looking back I probably would not have even THOUGHT about going had it not been for that one piece of information.
But what could I do? I was 2 1/2 hours away from home, I was 16, and I had no way back home. I had NO CHOICE, I had to go along with it. I suppose I could have called my Mom, sucked in my pride and ruined every one's trip. I didn't want that on my shoulders, and I didn't want to worry anyone. So what did I do? I kept my big fucking mouth SHUT!
We get to the hotel. This is it? You mean to tell me that we honestly are expected to believe Smash Mouth is going to be staying in this hotel? This Best Western style hotel. Yay right! you three have been had. Like I said before, I'm just along for the ride. That, was exactly when I knew, we would not be meeting Smash Mouth, we would not be getting tickets, and I highly doubt that we would even be doing anything like what the movies show.
I was kind of expecting a RAVE. Dangerous thing I was. I mean, while I didn't want to participate in any of it. I wanted to see it like in the movies, the girl snorting coke in the bathroom, the threesome going on in the bedroom, the hookah in the living room, and the loud music, bright colors, and glow sticks! You can't forget about the glow sticks. My dream were shattered. My heart was crushed.
They had been taken for by Ted and James, but I was taken for by them. You live you learn, right? I kept telling myself that if at any time I felt uncomfortable I would just retreat to my room and if they felt like having sex with them, they could damn well take it to THEIR room, not to the one we were all sharing.
They finally got a hold of Ted and James and we made arrangements to meet with them later. Not before Ted weaseled his way over to our hotel room, because he was like, the very next one over. Creepy! I didn't see what Katrina saw in Ted. From what I could tell he had acne scars, looked too hold, THOUGHT (meaning he thought he was, but he really wasn't) he was a smooth talker, AND thought he was someone important. He wasn't and I saw through his fake facade. My people skills proved him to be, as Katrina had said, harmless. That doesn't mean he wasn't trying to weasel his way into her pants.
Later that night I had the pleasure of meeting yummy eye candy, I-wish-you-would-try-to-jump-into-my-pants James. He was the tall dark and handsome type. 6'2", jet black hair, broad shoulders, blue hypnotizing eyes, washboard abs, and a British accent. The British accent had me sold. Oh he was yummy. I only wish he wasn't so interested in the slutty red head, Jackie. UGH! Men and their poor taste. I got over it quick! They would never see him again, probably never talk to him again, and I didn't want to get laid that bad. Good luck, my friend.
I of course was the first to suggest going to the pool. I wanted to show off my big boobs, and (at the time) rockin' body. I had already gotten a peak at Jackie's stomach rolls on the car ride there, and in the hotel room while she was changing. I don't think he would be impressed. I win! Bitches are scandalous. The things us women do for attention.
We hung out in the pool, got yelled out from an old man off of the balcony. Apparently we woke him up. He called the hotel staff shortly after. We were kicked out of the pool, I guess that makes it the second pool I've been kicked out of.
With nothing else to do, and no where to go, since they were entertaining minors (I still maintained my age of 16) we went back to our rooms to clean up and then met back up again (It was probably midnight when we saw them again, a whopping 30 minutes of non communication).
I of course, maintained my end of the bargain by calling my mom and checking in. If I didn't she would know something was up, and I was trying to establish trust here. Word of the wise, checking in is not a bad thing. I never felt childish for checking in, and I knew that my Mom loved and cared for me. THAT is why she needed to hear my voice when I was away. She needed to hear I was raped and abandoned in an alley somewhere. Which little did she know at the time, very well could have happened on this stupid trip! As I said before, I had been had. But, I should have known better!
We went to their "Roady" bus. It wasn't that bad. In fact, coming from someone who had never seen a tour bus or Roady bus before, it looked about like I expected it. Bigger on the inside that what it appeared on the outside. There was even this "lounge" area in the back. Oh and beds! Oh many times did I picture James throwing me down on that bed during the next hour or so? I'm willing to bet, a lot. Us yougin' are horny little things.
We sat in the lounge area and they offered us vodka. PERFECT! I love vodka! There was a catch? They had nothing to mix it with.
"You got ice?"
"Yea."
"Lemon?"
"No."
"Lime?"
"No."
What the hell is wrong with these people. Either they are incredibly stupid in the art of seduction or incredibly smart. I still vote stupid.
"Then vodka and ice it is."
Myself and the boys were the only ones drinking. No one else was capable of stomaching straight vodka. PUSSIES! I do love the taste of vodka, good vodka that is and they were definitely giving my good vodka. My first drink lasted a whole 10 seconds. Ted then felt compelled to point out this was a "sipping" vodka, and not meant for shots.
---------
I am running out of time to write this. Until next time.
So where are we at?
- I was 16
- Going into my Freshman year of college
- Just got my belly button pierced without my Mom's approval
- AND I told her
- She agreed to let me go to Santa Rosa to "hang out" with Smash Mouth under the following conditions:
- Sara's cousin would be there
- No drinking (HA! Okay, Mom)
- I call her every few hours to check in (I love my Mom and her checking in!)
We are driving to Santa Rosa. Woot! Woot!
I was driving with 3 pot heads, well they weren't entirely pot heads, they smoked a lot, but not.. okay, they were pot heads. I never smoked pot, at least, I didn't want too because I was trying out for volleyball, and I couldn't confirm, but didn't know if they drug tested.
We were, oh I don't know, 2 1/2 hours away from home when EVERYTHING started coming out the closet.
There was no Jack (The male cousin). Wait, there was a Jack, but he certainly didn't know where we were going, who we would be with, and he never made any plans to meet us there.
Uh! Nice that they told me this NOW! I mean, that was one of the only reasons I felt safe enough to want to go. In fact, looking back I probably would not have even THOUGHT about going had it not been for that one piece of information.
But what could I do? I was 2 1/2 hours away from home, I was 16, and I had no way back home. I had NO CHOICE, I had to go along with it. I suppose I could have called my Mom, sucked in my pride and ruined every one's trip. I didn't want that on my shoulders, and I didn't want to worry anyone. So what did I do? I kept my big fucking mouth SHUT!
We get to the hotel. This is it? You mean to tell me that we honestly are expected to believe Smash Mouth is going to be staying in this hotel? This Best Western style hotel. Yay right! you three have been had. Like I said before, I'm just along for the ride. That, was exactly when I knew, we would not be meeting Smash Mouth, we would not be getting tickets, and I highly doubt that we would even be doing anything like what the movies show.
I was kind of expecting a RAVE. Dangerous thing I was. I mean, while I didn't want to participate in any of it. I wanted to see it like in the movies, the girl snorting coke in the bathroom, the threesome going on in the bedroom, the hookah in the living room, and the loud music, bright colors, and glow sticks! You can't forget about the glow sticks. My dream were shattered. My heart was crushed.
They had been taken for by Ted and James, but I was taken for by them. You live you learn, right? I kept telling myself that if at any time I felt uncomfortable I would just retreat to my room and if they felt like having sex with them, they could damn well take it to THEIR room, not to the one we were all sharing.
They finally got a hold of Ted and James and we made arrangements to meet with them later. Not before Ted weaseled his way over to our hotel room, because he was like, the very next one over. Creepy! I didn't see what Katrina saw in Ted. From what I could tell he had acne scars, looked too hold, THOUGHT (meaning he thought he was, but he really wasn't) he was a smooth talker, AND thought he was someone important. He wasn't and I saw through his fake facade. My people skills proved him to be, as Katrina had said, harmless. That doesn't mean he wasn't trying to weasel his way into her pants.
Later that night I had the pleasure of meeting yummy eye candy, I-wish-you-would-try-to-jump-into-my-pants James. He was the tall dark and handsome type. 6'2", jet black hair, broad shoulders, blue hypnotizing eyes, washboard abs, and a British accent. The British accent had me sold. Oh he was yummy. I only wish he wasn't so interested in the slutty red head, Jackie. UGH! Men and their poor taste. I got over it quick! They would never see him again, probably never talk to him again, and I didn't want to get laid that bad. Good luck, my friend.
I of course was the first to suggest going to the pool. I wanted to show off my big boobs, and (at the time) rockin' body. I had already gotten a peak at Jackie's stomach rolls on the car ride there, and in the hotel room while she was changing. I don't think he would be impressed. I win! Bitches are scandalous. The things us women do for attention.
We hung out in the pool, got yelled out from an old man off of the balcony. Apparently we woke him up. He called the hotel staff shortly after. We were kicked out of the pool, I guess that makes it the second pool I've been kicked out of.
With nothing else to do, and no where to go, since they were entertaining minors (I still maintained my age of 16) we went back to our rooms to clean up and then met back up again (It was probably midnight when we saw them again, a whopping 30 minutes of non communication).
I of course, maintained my end of the bargain by calling my mom and checking in. If I didn't she would know something was up, and I was trying to establish trust here. Word of the wise, checking in is not a bad thing. I never felt childish for checking in, and I knew that my Mom loved and cared for me. THAT is why she needed to hear my voice when I was away. She needed to hear I was raped and abandoned in an alley somewhere. Which little did she know at the time, very well could have happened on this stupid trip! As I said before, I had been had. But, I should have known better!
We went to their "Roady" bus. It wasn't that bad. In fact, coming from someone who had never seen a tour bus or Roady bus before, it looked about like I expected it. Bigger on the inside that what it appeared on the outside. There was even this "lounge" area in the back. Oh and beds! Oh many times did I picture James throwing me down on that bed during the next hour or so? I'm willing to bet, a lot. Us yougin' are horny little things.
We sat in the lounge area and they offered us vodka. PERFECT! I love vodka! There was a catch? They had nothing to mix it with.
"You got ice?"
"Yea."
"Lemon?"
"No."
"Lime?"
"No."
What the hell is wrong with these people. Either they are incredibly stupid in the art of seduction or incredibly smart. I still vote stupid.
"Then vodka and ice it is."
Myself and the boys were the only ones drinking. No one else was capable of stomaching straight vodka. PUSSIES! I do love the taste of vodka, good vodka that is and they were definitely giving my good vodka. My first drink lasted a whole 10 seconds. Ted then felt compelled to point out this was a "sipping" vodka, and not meant for shots.
---------
I am running out of time to write this. Until next time.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Are you sure Christie isn't on that list?
I mentioned in I Just Sent You Flowers So I Can Get Laid that I am a HUGE fan of John Jay & Rich in the morning. Recently, they posted a list of ten male and ten female names. These weren't just ANY names, these were the names of very special people. You see, people with these names have a problem... a problem with giving themselves away. Are you following? They are the names of hoish women and slutty men (slut isn't gender specific is it?).
I felt compelled to share it:
"Loose" Women:
10. Nicky
9. Carly
8. Lisa
7. Tina
6. Michelle
5. Steph
4. Becky
3. Debbie
2. Tanya
1. Kelly
(I think this woman would definitely be a Debbie)
10. Lee
9. Dave
8. Andy
7. Steve
6. Kevin
5. Gary
4. Paul
3. Darren
2. Jason
2. Jason
1. Ben
(Now, this guy! He is most definitely a Ben)
The funny part was last night when I was explaining this to Lover. In his most sincere and intimidating voice he exclaims,"Are you sure Christie wasn't on that list."
I respond by saying, "As a matter of fact," while turning toward him and looking deep into his eyes I finish, "Christie held the number one position."
Lover, "That's not the only position she will be holding tonight."
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