Alzheimer's

I remember, back in the day, when people used to say, "Alzheimer's" whether in a movie or standing right next to me. I would have sworn on my Nintendo (cause that's how I rolled) that they said, "old- timers." Yes, old timers. Doesn't it make since. Old people. Time. Old people? Time?

It must be just me.

You can't be in the club anymore!

We interrupt this Christmas Blog for one of my tangents....

Remember back in the day when you and your friends started "secret club." The kind that met on Sunday afternoons when all the Mom's gathered for their weekly book club meeting to talk about the latest book. Only, now that you are able to read and you remember the sounds they made your questioning whether or not they were talking about a book or sex.

I bet you remember the exact Princess Barbie sheet you draped over your dresser and bed to make little fort and the exact color of gel pen you used to make the "NO BOYS ALLOWED" sign that you pinned to the Princess Barbie sheet with scotch tape, because you weren't trusted with anything else.

Remember when Becky promised she would bring cookies for everyone, and you could already feel the gooey deliciousness in your mouth, only to find that Becky didn't come to the meeting, which inadvertently left you with Sarah's crummy crackers and cheese? So, you being the leader of the group decided that Becky was kicked out of the club.

OH Ooorr! Do you remember when everyone took a task to do to help the club get better. Sarah had to bring stuffed animals to guard the fort, you had to type up the club rules (because only a REAL club had rules), and Jessica was assigned to bringing extra sheets to expand the fort in the hallway? Yea! I bet you also remember when Sarah forgot to bring the guard animals and how upset you were and that you also KICKED HER OUT OF THE CLUB!

This is a classic example of the "You hurt my feelings, so now I am going to hurt yours MORE" attitude. I thought everyone moved past this in 6th grade. Apparently, we didn't, and apparently it is following us all the way through the completion of our MBA.

The degree program I am completing requires team assignments (luckily it's the same team throughout the class). Generally, teams handle the assignment by splitting up the work, submitting it on a early date, and one person compiles it all, edits it and turns it in. It's a full proof method to an A. However, sometimes shit happens, it's inevitable and the person who SAID they wold write 300 words on cow dung, backed out and now the rest of the team has to figure out what to do next. Welcome to the real world!

What I am about to tell you happens often, and my often I mean there is always someone from one team your brings it up or suggests it.

One team member suggests that in the event someone does not complete the work he or she was assigned/volunteered to do, then he or she's name will be removed from the assignment.

Fair, right? It sounds fair. If Jane didn't do the work, why should she get credit? I'll tell you why...

BECAUSE SHE IS IN THE TEAM TOO!!!

Now, let us take out the obvious excuses as to why Jane didn't so the homework: She didn't pay her internet bill, so she couldn't submit the work? Her dog ate it? She dropped her cell phone in the toilet at the bar and hadn't gotten around to getting a new one, so there was no way she could call to tell you what happened? Wait, that was me. Anyway, now that we have all the bull shit excuses out of the way let's focus of those that have merit.

My grandma died. Some of you might be thinking that this is not really a good excuse. Well, I am close to my grandmother and if she did die, I would want some time to grieve. And I can guarantee that the LAST thing I am going to be doing is writing about cow dung OR letting my team know that I will not be writing about cow dung. The team all of a sudden takes second priority and I no longer care for their well being.

I digress...

Jane has no valid excuse and her grandmother died 3 years ago. Should her name still go on the assignment? YES! Why?

BECAUSE SHE IS IN THE TEAM TOO!!!

Let me explain further with more explanations:

1. If you think of a classroom like a business you would have the boss (the professor) and the employees (the students). By removing an employee from the workload (for lack of participation) the team would be in a sense "firing" said employee. Well, the team does not have the authority to fire the employee; that is the boss's job and should be left up to the boss. The employees' job is to inform the boss of the situation so that the boss can handle the situation properly.

2. You're reverting to your childhood self by saying, "If you are not going to bring me any cookies, then I am kicking you out of the club." You're an adult, behave like one, even when you are challenged by adults behaving like children. Stooping to their level makes you no better.

3. Regardless of which team member participates or HOW MUCH each member participates it is still a team effort. If I decided that I was going to do JACK SHIT (hypothetically of course, not physically) I am still apart of the team. I may not be acting like much of a team member, but you can't control that.

4. It's a threat, more so a scare tactic. "IF you don't do the work, you don't get your name on the paper!" Is that the best you can come up with? My NAME doesn't go onto a piece of paper? You really convinced me to write that paper on cow dung. In fact, I am so worried about my name isn't going to go on the paper, I am going to write 600 instead of 300 words. The point is... If someone is not going to do the work, it doesn't matter if you threaten them with assignment points. I'll call your bluff, and raise you a trip to the managers office where

5. An eye for an eye. We are not in the Roman days and we all know this method doesn't work. It will always end in someone's death. For example:

I take your eye.

You take my eye for taking your eye.

I take your other eye for taking my eye.

You take my other for for me taking your other eye.

The result: You and I are both left blind!

END TANGENT

The Time I Almost Got to Party with Smash Mouth (Part 3)

Newbies to this series should first read this, and then this.



Okay, are you caught up now? Perfect!



We left off on my perpetual need to down some vodka.



After that glass and a half, I slowed down a bit and started using it as a sipping vodka. That slut, Jackie, snuck away with James. They went away "to talk." Yea right! They went away to park his tour bus in parking garage she probably had going on down there. Bitch!


The rest of the night is a little hazy, I do remember being told that Smash Mouth has broken down somewhere around Crystal Lake, so they were camping there for the night. Umm... Yea, right! They were probably living it up at the Hilton or perhaps staying with their families for the night. Good cover, but I didn't buy it.



Nothing bad happened to us, THANK GOODNESS and we all ended up back in our own hotel rooms (meaning the four girls in our room and the men in their own room) and went to bed sometime around 1 in the morning. I was laying there, and I couldn't go to sleep. The room was spinning. I didn't feel like I needed to throw up, but I was tired! I was damn tired, and after 20 minutes of trying to stop the room from turning around and around, I walked to the bathroom and inserted finger.



If there is one thing about me, it is that I DO NOT like to "be drunk." I don't like the feeling of throwing up, so I rarely if ever drink enough to make myself throw up. There might be one or two nights in a year, where I get so wasted, that I force myself to throw up, so that I can go to bed.



The next morning, we might have said goodbye to James and Ted, maybe we didn't. After all, they weren't as much fun as we thought (or perhaps they weren't as dangerous as we expected).



We left early after getting ready and went to do what girls do best... Shop! We went to the mall, and did some browsing, maybe some shopping. Then, Katrina and Sara decided to use the "hotel" money that was supposed to be used on the cousin to get manicures. This left Jackie and I to spend time together, we spent it out in the parking lot smoking cigarettes. In said parking lot we met another guy, let's call him Mike. Mike, was working in the back of what appeared to be a UHaul. What he was really doing was promoting the new 5 blade razors from Shick (I think, maybe not. It's the orange razor. Got it? Cool.). Wait, that's still not right. Mike was pit-man for a drag racer. Shick sponsored them, so he was out doing his sponsor duties and promoting the product. Jackie and I made nice with him, we talked and for some stupid, stupid reason we all exchanged numbers so that we could meet up later.

I think I was so okay with it, because it was day light and the fact that Mike was another sexy beast. How can I convince him that Jackie is as ugly on the outside and she is on the inside? Oh well. You'll never see him again anyway, just have as much fun as you can.

The next thing we know all four of use follow Mike back to his hotel room where 3 of his friends are waiting. Okay, wait! So, ummm... Why is it that hot guys all have ugly friends. I mean, you expect that you meet one hot guy he will lead you back to the plethora of hot guy friends that he has. This was not the case. So, ended up spending the next few hour talking with these 3 men, and smoking pot (okay, so I didn't smoke, but I was surrounded by it and I felts like I was going to vomit!). Needless to say, I was ready to attempt the 4-5 hour journey home.

Mike and Jackie had other plans, and we were all dragged in (minus the ugly men). Off to San Fransisco we would go. Of course we HAD to take separate cars, ours and Mike in his own, because that is where we would part ways. And of course, you guessed it. Jackie rode with Mike the whole way down. Have I mentioned that she was a slut? Well, she is.

The trip turned out to be pointless as Mike and Jackie "lost us" shortly after we went through the toll on the bridge and we didn't get back with them for an hour. That was we were calling them for an hour trying to find them, mean while we were completely lost and couldn't find a gas station, and it was dark. Yea, Jackie is a slut, and a bitch!

Finally, when we "found" them, it was time to head home. Jackie kissed Mike good-bye. *clears throat* weren't you just making out with James last night?

We didn't get home until 2 or 3 in the next morning, we found out Jackie, being the bitch that she is, told everyone we were hanging out with that Katrina and I were 15 (excuse me! I was 16!), and I gave Sara $20 to get my double prints of the pictures she took. I never got them. So, I have no proof. I am kind of curious if I would find James or Mike half as cute as I did back then knowing what I know now?

This trip was one of the stupidest things I ever did, I was half miserable the whole time, due to Jackie being an attention whore, or just a whore, you pick, and the whole lying thing. I'm a a terrible liar to begin with, unless of course I was telling my mother that I was going to bed, when in actuality I was on my way out the door to go to a party. I am pretty sure this was the last big lie that I told, and it was more of a lie of omission.

The Time I Almost Got to Party with Smash Mouth (Part 2)

If you are new, tune in here to read the first part of this, I-have-no-idea-how-many-parts mantra of mine.

So where are we at?

- I was 16
- Going into my Freshman year of college
- Just got my belly button pierced without my Mom's approval
- AND I told her
- She agreed to let me go to Santa Rosa to "hang out" with Smash Mouth under the following conditions:
- Sara's cousin would be there
- No drinking (HA! Okay, Mom)
- I call her every few hours to check in (I love my Mom and her checking in!)

We are driving to Santa Rosa. Woot! Woot!

I was driving with 3 pot heads, well they weren't entirely pot heads, they smoked a lot, but not.. okay, they were pot heads. I never smoked pot, at least, I didn't want too because I was trying out for volleyball, and I couldn't confirm, but didn't know if they drug tested.

We were, oh I don't know, 2 1/2 hours away from home when EVERYTHING started coming out the closet.

There was no Jack (The male cousin). Wait, there was a Jack, but he certainly didn't know where we were going, who we would be with, and he never made any plans to meet us there.

Uh! Nice that they told me this NOW! I mean, that was one of the only reasons I felt safe enough to want to go. In fact, looking back I probably would not have even THOUGHT about going had it not been for that one piece of information.

But what could I do? I was 2 1/2 hours away from home, I was 16, and I had no way back home. I had NO CHOICE, I had to go along with it. I suppose I could have called my Mom, sucked in my pride and ruined every one's trip. I didn't want that on my shoulders, and I didn't want to worry anyone. So what did I do? I kept my big fucking mouth SHUT!

We get to the hotel. This is it? You mean to tell me that we honestly are expected to believe Smash Mouth is going to be staying in this hotel? This Best Western style hotel. Yay right! you three have been had. Like I said before, I'm just along for the ride. That, was exactly when I knew, we would not be meeting Smash Mouth, we would not be getting tickets, and I highly doubt that we would even be doing anything like what the movies show.

I was kind of expecting a RAVE. Dangerous thing I was. I mean, while I didn't want to participate in any of it. I wanted to see it like in the movies, the girl snorting coke in the bathroom, the threesome going on in the bedroom, the hookah in the living room, and the loud music, bright colors, and glow sticks! You can't forget about the glow sticks. My dream were shattered. My heart was crushed.

They had been taken for by Ted and James, but I was taken for by them. You live you learn, right? I kept telling myself that if at any time I felt uncomfortable I would just retreat to my room and if they felt like having sex with them, they could damn well take it to THEIR room, not to the one we were all sharing.

They finally got a hold of Ted and James and we made arrangements to meet with them later. Not before Ted weaseled his way over to our hotel room, because he was like, the very next one over. Creepy! I didn't see what Katrina saw in Ted. From what I could tell he had acne scars, looked too hold, THOUGHT (meaning he thought he was, but he really wasn't) he was a smooth talker, AND thought he was someone important. He wasn't and I saw through his fake facade. My people skills proved him to be, as Katrina had said, harmless. That doesn't mean he wasn't trying to weasel his way into her pants.

Later that night I had the pleasure of meeting yummy eye candy, I-wish-you-would-try-to-jump-into-my-pants James. He was the tall dark and handsome type. 6'2", jet black hair, broad shoulders, blue hypnotizing eyes, washboard abs, and a British accent. The British accent had me sold. Oh he was yummy. I only wish he wasn't so interested in the slutty red head, Jackie. UGH! Men and their poor taste. I got over it quick! They would never see him again, probably never talk to him again, and I didn't want to get laid that bad. Good luck, my friend.

I of course was the first to suggest going to the pool. I wanted to show off my big boobs, and (at the time) rockin' body. I had already gotten a peak at Jackie's stomach rolls on the car ride there, and in the hotel room while she was changing. I don't think he would be impressed. I win! Bitches are scandalous. The things us women do for attention.

We hung out in the pool, got yelled out from an old man off of the balcony. Apparently we woke him up. He called the hotel staff shortly after. We were kicked out of the pool, I guess that makes it the second pool I've been kicked out of.

With nothing else to do, and no where to go, since they were entertaining minors (I still maintained my age of 16) we went back to our rooms to clean up and then met back up again (It was probably midnight when we saw them again, a whopping 30 minutes of non communication).

I of course, maintained my end of the bargain by calling my mom and checking in. If I didn't she would know something was up, and I was trying to establish trust here. Word of the wise, checking in is not a bad thing. I never felt childish for checking in, and I knew that my Mom loved and cared for me. THAT is why she needed to hear my voice when I was away. She needed to hear I was raped and abandoned in an alley somewhere. Which little did she know at the time, very well could have happened on this stupid trip! As I said before, I had been had. But, I should have known better!

We went to their "Roady" bus. It wasn't that bad. In fact, coming from someone who had never seen a tour bus or Roady bus before, it looked about like I expected it. Bigger on the inside that what it appeared on the outside. There was even this "lounge" area in the back. Oh and beds! Oh many times did I picture James throwing me down on that bed during the next hour or so? I'm willing to bet, a lot. Us yougin' are horny little things.

We sat in the lounge area and they offered us vodka. PERFECT! I love vodka! There was a catch? They had nothing to mix it with.

"You got ice?"

"Yea."

"Lemon?"

"No."

"Lime?"

"No."

What the hell is wrong with these people. Either they are incredibly stupid in the art of seduction or incredibly smart. I still vote stupid.

"Then vodka and ice it is."

Myself and the boys were the only ones drinking. No one else was capable of stomaching straight vodka. PUSSIES! I do love the taste of vodka, good vodka that is and they were definitely giving my good vodka. My first drink lasted a whole 10 seconds. Ted then felt compelled to point out this was a "sipping" vodka, and not meant for shots.

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I am running out of time to write this. Until next time.

The Time I Almost Got to Party with Smash Mouth (Part 1)

This is one of those posts that was inspired by another. Here is the blog that made me want to get THIS event out of my head!

Go ahead and read it... What did you think?

Anyway, this is going to be about my aforementioned road trip. I don't even think my Mom knows the whole trust, I either never confessed it or was too embarassed. I hope she doesn't read this.

----

"PLLEEEASE.... Mooommm! Can I go? Pretty please? Katrina and I are going to be the only 16 years old (Good God! Has it been that long?). Sara and Jackie are like 22, and Sara's cousin is going to be there! He is a big guy, Mom. I've never met him, but Katrina's parents have and they say he is big and will protect us if anything bad happens."

Mom: "I'll think about it."

"But Mooomm! They are leaving tomorrow, you don't have time to think about it. If I'm going then I have to stay there tonight, and it's late and there just isn't time to think about. Mom, PLEEEASE! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity."

"Okay fine."

"Wait, I can go?"

"Yes."

Umm... That was a little too easy...

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Let me explain... It was the summer going into my Freshman year of college, I was only 16 (I'm kinda smart), it was the day AFTER I got back from spending 2 weeks in Corning with my old baby sitter (who ironically, isn't MUCH older than I and really cool!) where I has just gotten my belly button unprofessionally pierced without my Mom's permission and I told her, in hopes to build trust (that's me, forgiveness is better to ask for than permission) AND I was trying to convince my Mom to let me go with an old friend, Katrina of the fence hopping Katrina's, and 2 older girls, who I had never met, but one of them Sara, had a Dad who substituted for my elementary classes Back in the day. Sara's cousin, we'll call him Jack, was suppose to meet us in Santa Rosa, and "protect" us.

Why were we going to Santa Rosa? Well, Sara, Jackie, and Katrina went to the fair in Medford and watched Smash Mouth perform. After one of the songs, Sara stood up and gave them a standing ovation. Normally, this wouldn't have been a big deal, although Sara has severe muscular dystrophy and was in a wheel chair. The drummer of Smash Mouth (Michael Urbano) saw this happen. He then came out with a white carnation and gave it to her.

After the show they (not me, as I wasn't there, or "into" that stuff) ended up smoking pot with a couple of the Roadies, let's call them Ted and James. Ted and James then invited the 3 of them to Santa Rosa, Smash Mouth's home town, for their performance at THAT fair the very next weekend. They were going, no matter what. I was invited later.

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Before talking to me Mom...

Me: "So, we are going to be staying at the same hotel as the Roadies?"

Katrina: "Yea, but you have to be quiet about your age, they don't know I'm 16, they think I am 18."

Me: "You lied about your age? I don't feel comfortable lying."

"Christie, you look like your 25, you can lie about you age and they wouldn't know they wiser."

"Okay, tell him I am 17, almost 18. I'll still be a miner. I can't believe you like that guy! How old is he?"

"30. But he is really cute, and sweet and he says he likes me, a lot."

"How can Ted like you, you spent a few hours with him! He just wants to get laid."

"He's not like that."

"How do you know? You don't even know him."

"I can just tell. You know how you can just tell."

"Yea I know what you me." - I totally didn't get it! But I was down just for the ride. Plus, my best friend was in Petaluma and maybe I would be able to meet up with her for a little bit.

I knew the whole trip sounded shady. A lot of stuff was being left out that I didn't even know. But it sounded like fun. Plus, the roadies actually said that Smash Mouth would be staying at the same hotel as us. Interesting, it should be a nice hotel... You'll find out later... AND really? I mean I know big rock star bands are cool cats and all. But I doubt they will be spending their time with "the likes of us."

It was a road trip I was down for it...

Stay tuned to find out what happened next...

"Ask Christie what happened the last time she hoped a fence for water"

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