Attacked

I went into my bedroom, closed the door, and started getting ready for my nightly shower.
What was that?

I spun around midway of rinsing off my face.

Nothing.

I carefully finished washing and then dryed off. I turned around to place the towel back on the rack and there HE was. THERE was the introduded!



At least this is one of the senarios my brain kept fumbling through last night. Being all alone in a big house can scare a girl! I mean, someone really could have come into the house. What if they did? I don't like being bymyself and this why! My mind starts to wander to bad things happening. I get scared. I even slept with the bedroom door closed last night and Lover had to wake me up when he got off work for me to open it for him.

It's just something I have to get use to... I guess.

Broken Teeth

Almost all of my nightmares revolve around my teeth. I am one of those people you hate, who always had straight teeth, and never needed braces. In fact, I once proved to someone who had braces that my teeth were straighter than his by biting into a styrofoam cup. He started it and wanted to know, I could care less, and after we compared cups, mine were straighter.

So, I'm a little proud, but I never brag or bring it up unless someone else does first - with the exception of this blog.

I once dreamed that by biting into an apple my bottom teeth broke off in half. I woke up crying in the fetal position.

Last night, I had a similar dream. I can't remember what I was doing. It felt like I was decorating someone's home, but I was at work at the same time, so who knows! All day, in the dream, my top front left (my left) tooth was bothering me. Lunch time finally came. I sat down to start chowing down and my tooth was loose, so I pulled it out. I mean, it just came right out root and all and it didn't even hurt. It was like pulling the pen out of the cap. Weird, right? In the dream, I had some strange notion that every adult looses their "adult" teeth and grow back knew ones. Finally, I woke up.

When I first woke up I remember being a little baffled. Most dreams feel weird and I woke up thinking I was still in my dream and lost all my memory from the time my tooth broke until I woke up in bed. Then, I remembered that I lost my damn tooth! And then I remembered that I was WRONG! You're not suppose to loose your adult teeth and they don't grow back! Panic insured. I felt my upper teeth with my tongue. My tooth was still there. *sigh* It was just a dream, I told myself and lay my head back down to sleep. Not before reaching up with my finger and feeling my tooth, just in case my tongue was in on it. :P

The Time I Almost Got to Party with Smash Mouth (Part 2)

If you are new, tune in here to read the first part of this, I-have-no-idea-how-many-parts mantra of mine.

So where are we at?

- I was 16
- Going into my Freshman year of college
- Just got my belly button pierced without my Mom's approval
- AND I told her
- She agreed to let me go to Santa Rosa to "hang out" with Smash Mouth under the following conditions:
- Sara's cousin would be there
- No drinking (HA! Okay, Mom)
- I call her every few hours to check in (I love my Mom and her checking in!)

We are driving to Santa Rosa. Woot! Woot!

I was driving with 3 pot heads, well they weren't entirely pot heads, they smoked a lot, but not.. okay, they were pot heads. I never smoked pot, at least, I didn't want too because I was trying out for volleyball, and I couldn't confirm, but didn't know if they drug tested.

We were, oh I don't know, 2 1/2 hours away from home when EVERYTHING started coming out the closet.

There was no Jack (The male cousin). Wait, there was a Jack, but he certainly didn't know where we were going, who we would be with, and he never made any plans to meet us there.

Uh! Nice that they told me this NOW! I mean, that was one of the only reasons I felt safe enough to want to go. In fact, looking back I probably would not have even THOUGHT about going had it not been for that one piece of information.

But what could I do? I was 2 1/2 hours away from home, I was 16, and I had no way back home. I had NO CHOICE, I had to go along with it. I suppose I could have called my Mom, sucked in my pride and ruined every one's trip. I didn't want that on my shoulders, and I didn't want to worry anyone. So what did I do? I kept my big fucking mouth SHUT!

We get to the hotel. This is it? You mean to tell me that we honestly are expected to believe Smash Mouth is going to be staying in this hotel? This Best Western style hotel. Yay right! you three have been had. Like I said before, I'm just along for the ride. That, was exactly when I knew, we would not be meeting Smash Mouth, we would not be getting tickets, and I highly doubt that we would even be doing anything like what the movies show.

I was kind of expecting a RAVE. Dangerous thing I was. I mean, while I didn't want to participate in any of it. I wanted to see it like in the movies, the girl snorting coke in the bathroom, the threesome going on in the bedroom, the hookah in the living room, and the loud music, bright colors, and glow sticks! You can't forget about the glow sticks. My dream were shattered. My heart was crushed.

They had been taken for by Ted and James, but I was taken for by them. You live you learn, right? I kept telling myself that if at any time I felt uncomfortable I would just retreat to my room and if they felt like having sex with them, they could damn well take it to THEIR room, not to the one we were all sharing.

They finally got a hold of Ted and James and we made arrangements to meet with them later. Not before Ted weaseled his way over to our hotel room, because he was like, the very next one over. Creepy! I didn't see what Katrina saw in Ted. From what I could tell he had acne scars, looked too hold, THOUGHT (meaning he thought he was, but he really wasn't) he was a smooth talker, AND thought he was someone important. He wasn't and I saw through his fake facade. My people skills proved him to be, as Katrina had said, harmless. That doesn't mean he wasn't trying to weasel his way into her pants.

Later that night I had the pleasure of meeting yummy eye candy, I-wish-you-would-try-to-jump-into-my-pants James. He was the tall dark and handsome type. 6'2", jet black hair, broad shoulders, blue hypnotizing eyes, washboard abs, and a British accent. The British accent had me sold. Oh he was yummy. I only wish he wasn't so interested in the slutty red head, Jackie. UGH! Men and their poor taste. I got over it quick! They would never see him again, probably never talk to him again, and I didn't want to get laid that bad. Good luck, my friend.

I of course was the first to suggest going to the pool. I wanted to show off my big boobs, and (at the time) rockin' body. I had already gotten a peak at Jackie's stomach rolls on the car ride there, and in the hotel room while she was changing. I don't think he would be impressed. I win! Bitches are scandalous. The things us women do for attention.

We hung out in the pool, got yelled out from an old man off of the balcony. Apparently we woke him up. He called the hotel staff shortly after. We were kicked out of the pool, I guess that makes it the second pool I've been kicked out of.

With nothing else to do, and no where to go, since they were entertaining minors (I still maintained my age of 16) we went back to our rooms to clean up and then met back up again (It was probably midnight when we saw them again, a whopping 30 minutes of non communication).

I of course, maintained my end of the bargain by calling my mom and checking in. If I didn't she would know something was up, and I was trying to establish trust here. Word of the wise, checking in is not a bad thing. I never felt childish for checking in, and I knew that my Mom loved and cared for me. THAT is why she needed to hear my voice when I was away. She needed to hear I was raped and abandoned in an alley somewhere. Which little did she know at the time, very well could have happened on this stupid trip! As I said before, I had been had. But, I should have known better!

We went to their "Roady" bus. It wasn't that bad. In fact, coming from someone who had never seen a tour bus or Roady bus before, it looked about like I expected it. Bigger on the inside that what it appeared on the outside. There was even this "lounge" area in the back. Oh and beds! Oh many times did I picture James throwing me down on that bed during the next hour or so? I'm willing to bet, a lot. Us yougin' are horny little things.

We sat in the lounge area and they offered us vodka. PERFECT! I love vodka! There was a catch? They had nothing to mix it with.

"You got ice?"

"Yea."

"Lemon?"

"No."

"Lime?"

"No."

What the hell is wrong with these people. Either they are incredibly stupid in the art of seduction or incredibly smart. I still vote stupid.

"Then vodka and ice it is."

Myself and the boys were the only ones drinking. No one else was capable of stomaching straight vodka. PUSSIES! I do love the taste of vodka, good vodka that is and they were definitely giving my good vodka. My first drink lasted a whole 10 seconds. Ted then felt compelled to point out this was a "sipping" vodka, and not meant for shots.

---------

I am running out of time to write this. Until next time.

I Have a Problem

I've mentioned before that when I sleep I sleep, I am out and I don't like to be bothered! I've been known to curse, throw a tantrum, and even slap Lover in the face. Mind you, I don't remember a thing the next morning.

It's progressivly gotten worse, I should see a sleep doctor or something. Really. Anyone know one?

This morning I woke up in bed, with a vague recollection of how I got there. I walked by myself, but I am pretty sure not before giving Lover a piece of my mind.

So... When I woke up this morning I had a bad feeling. My mind was racing, but I felt guilty. I think I dreamed about being really mean to Lover. I could just tell that I was mean to him and that broke my heart. So, when I woke up I apologized and apologized and asked him to tell me what I did. He didn't. Now my mind is racing at what I possibly could have done, because he always shares with me what I do in my sleep, and usually voluntarily. This time? Nothing. Not a thing.

It HAD to be something pretty bad! Why wouldn't he tell me if it was something that was no big deal?

Something made me angry, and I took it out on Lover. I intend to find out just HOW I took it out on him.

Planning a Party?

You know how we all dream. Well, I have been dreaming a lot lately. I have officially extended my budget out until the end of 2014. That's right, it's a five year plan. And if I follow it correctly I will have about $54,000 saved up. pppsshhhh. I have mentioned before that I am incapable of saving... I am still incapable of saving. It will be interesting to know how much I have saved up at the end of 2014.

That is one of the day dreams I have been having. The other is getting out of the job I am in now. It is not secret that I hate my job, in large part because I have to spend it with Mrs. NHJ (No Holey Jeans, in case I have any new readers). Part of this career change, includes how I can do something fun, that involves a random schedule of which I choose and when I choose it, being able to sleep in and cuddle with the love of my life, spend more time with is beautiful daughter Baby, interact with people, use my degree, and more importantly use my brain! Uncanny right? What job is going to offer all of this? Should I mention that I did not even note benefits or a 401K?

Basically, I have came to the conclusion that I would have to work for myself. But, what would I do? Howe about plan parties! My family... We know how to party, and we have thrown some pretty good ones, that aren't too pricey!

My dreams came to a crashing halt for a few reasons. One, starting a business costs money. Maybe not the one I am wanting to start, because I don't need and office, e-mail is free, and I can do my own marketing. But, there is advertising, business cards, and who the heck wants to hire someone who doesn't have a website in this economy. A website and references are a must. Two, I'm almost positive I would have to quit my job to do this. I can't quit my job. My job is steady income that I need to pay the bills. I can't leave steady income for "I don't know when the hell I am going to get paid" income.

Maybe some day, in 5 years, after I have the $54K saved up, then I can quit my job and start planning people's parties! I mean, I know all the vendors, I have people skills, and it's something I enjoy doing! *sigh* How I love to dream.

But really...

Would you hire me to plan your wedding, birthday, company party, holiday party, funeral? :O

Dream #2

There are two relevant points in this dream:

1. I pushed my boss.
2. I told Mrs. No Holey Jeans (I'll explain later) to "shut up and listen for once."

An operator and myself were on our lunch break, and for some reason we decided to toss a football back and forth. Now, under no circumstances would be company be okay with us tossing a football back and forth on company property for safety and ass hole reasons. In this dream, our Safety Supervisor (let's call her Laura) was in town. her normal office is in a different state, thank gosh, because I don't know how much I could handle of her fake friendliness. Oh, it is most definitely a fake friendliness; she will jab in the back with a knife faster than you can say OSHA.

Now, Laura happened to see us tossing the football back and forth and came out to write an "incident report" (meaning you fucked up and put yourself or others in harms way) about it. My problem is that she was only going to write the incident about ME. She claimed that the operator was standing in a safe position, but I was not. Laura then went on to show me the several different places I could have been standing that would be safe.

Well, me being me. I choose to argue with Laura because not only was her reasoning completely UNreasonable, but she literally pointed out a safe spot to stand that was not more than 2 feet from me. Now, I was not arguing with her that she was wrong. I was merely asking for an explanation on WHO chooses safe versus unsafe spots? If she had a company policy regarding such issues? And the difference between Spot A and Spot B?

Are you following along? Good.

Now, this dream I was viewing via 3rd person. So, I had my "real life" mind with me and was only watching the events unfold. Kind of like, watching a documentary, of myself.

All of a sudden, my boss (let's call him Ray) and co-worker/bitch (let's call her Mrs. No Holey Jean or Mrs. NHJ) showed up and sided with her! How dare they! Then, the argument on safety all of a sudden turned into an argument of credibility where my opinion was no longer being considered. I felt like I was being treated as 1/2 of a person. The reason I was no longer "credible?" I didn't "dress up" for work. Laura started to make that a safety issue, and Mrs. NHJ was agreeing and my boss was threatening to fire me if I didn't start dressing up. In the middle of all of this I was trying to speak, and say that if they wanted me to "dress up" then they should give me a budget for it, because they don't pay me enough to buy "nice clothes." At some point I think I even asked for a policy.

I couldn't get a word in between Laura and Mrs. NHJ so I finally turned to Mrs. NHJ, looked her square in the eyes and told her to "SHUT UP AND LET ME TALK."

She responded with a hand on the hip, a movement of the head similar to a "oh no you did.n't" motion, while saying "excuse me." At which point, Ray grabbed my wrist. Yea! Grabbed me! At this point, I must have been thinking my job was finished so I pushed Ray away from me and walked off while threatening a law suit.

I only assume that I was going to my office to grab my purse and go home for the day, because I woke up as I walked into the building.

Slasher Dreams

Fair warning now... This one is dousey (i.e. long)!

I had a really weird dream the other night. Well, I had two dreams; one more stranger than the other.

This is what I remember of the dream:

- It took place in a house, that I had never been in, but it was a nice house, one that I could see myself living it.

- There were a lot of people, maybe 8 or 9 or 10. I think I knew who they were in my dream, but I don't remember any faces to know who they were or if I know them in real life.

- I have no idea why they were there.

- We somehow got into playing a "game." I know what you are thinking, maybe a little role playing, or S & M. Nope, I assure you it was nothing fun like that. Maybe it started off as hide and seek, but somehow it turned into a massacre.

- Everyone was cutting off everyone's limbs. Yea, like killing people. I remember I cut off some limbs. Someone was hiding in the kitchen, and for some reason decided to jump on the island (you know how some kitchens have islands). This particular island had that thing dangling from the ceiling that you can hang your pots and pans on. CRASH! It made a loud noise. It was the perfect amount of noise for me (the one hiding in the hallway) to jump out and so this Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon move and slash off said individuals legs with my butcher knife at the knees. YEA! I sliced through this persons legs!

- I remember "sharpening" my knife and saying something like it uses less energy the sharper the knife was. I am pretty sure I felt remorse through this whole thing. Like, I didn't want to kill and chop off everyone's limbs, but if I didn't they would do it to me. So you see? I was in this battle, kind of like the Saw movies, but without the creepy guy who puts all the strangers in the house.

- The dream was cut off by my abrupt awake-ness (I think someone killed me, because I never finished the dream. and you know they say if you see yourself killed during a dream, then you die in real life) through a fight with 2 other people from the house, where we were throwing around butcher knives like swords. I karate hacked off someone’s arm.

What the hell does all of this mean??? I finally decided to go to The Curious Dreamer to "analyze" my dream. You all know how those free analysis works? They take all the "important" words and give you what those words could mean. Then, it is up to you and your personal experiences/life to determine what the dream really means; I guess you do get what you paid for.

This is what I told the dreamer guys my dream was about: "Myself and a bunch of strangers were in house. We started to play a game where we killed each other with butcher knives and chopped off each others limbs."

This is what I get:

Being Killed

* The idea that some person or situation is attempting to take power from you or victimize you, especially mentally or emotionally. For example, dreaming that a co-worker kills you may represent when she got assigned the project you wanted last week, and you're blaming her for your not getting that opportunity.
*A fear of ill will, being taken advantage of, manipulation, or victimization

Branch (came from my word limbs)

*A branch or offshoot, or the branching out of something, can represent:
- Variation
- A divergence or diversification
- Proliferation or multiplication
- A decision or choice
- The idea of things getting more complicated
- Cause and effect
- A tangent
- A closely related topic or matter

Breaking an object (came from my word chopped)

* Breaking an object in anger can mean your emotions about whatever is represented by the object feel extreme or out of control.
* Breaking an object on purpose when not feeling angry could represent a desire or decision to be free of or finished with whatever that object represents in your life.
* Accidentally breaking an object can represent a feeling or fear of making a mistake or making a mess of a certain situation in real life.

Game

* Play, social interaction, competition, dialog. Pay attention to the type of activity, the dynamics between you and other players, and how you feel about what's going on. A game can represent a real-life activity (past, expected future, imagined, etc.) or the dynamics of a real-life situation (such as the dynamics between you and your teammates on a project at work).

Group

* A group of things or people in your real or imagined life
* Belonging or acceptance
* Abundance
* Plurality
* Pay attention to what is symbolized by whatever makes up the group.

House

* A house, apartment, flat, or any place of residence often represents you or your life, even if the dream residence does not resemble your actual residence. The events in the dream residence may represent events in your life. A house can also represent security, comfort, protection, familiarity, or belonging.
* Also consider the mood and condition of the house (a dreary house might represent depression or sadness, a house with missing windows might represent personal boundary issues, etc.) and anything that particularly stands out about the house.

Killing

* Killing or wanting to kill often represents a desire for power or control, often based in feelings of powerlessness. Killing someone can mean:
* You'd like to take power from whomever or whatever that person represents in your real life, perhaps so you can feel less powerless
* You are angry at them in real life
* You're feeling unwilling to deal with the problems or hassles you feel they cause you
* Killing someone in self defense can mean you're feeling attacked somehow (mentally, emotionally, physically) or that you need to defend yourself or stand up for yourself somehow.
* Killing someone accidentally can mean you're afraid you'll accidentally hurt that person, that something you do may be detrimental to them somehow, or that your subconscious mind is thinking things through to make sure this doesn't happen.

Knife (as a weapon)

* Someone threatening you with a knife can represent:
* A feeling or fear of persecution, hostility, aggression, criticism, etc. from by another person or by "people in general"
* A current or recent situation where you feel your boundaries have been crossed or your integrity has been compromised by someone else

Okay, so being killed, I get it. But, they are strangers. So, somehow I feel vulnerable to the people of the World being that they are taking something from me or trying to. Like work taking away my overtime. That is a possibility. Either way, someone(s) are trying to take something from me and that’s not cool.

Branch? Irrelevant! Wait. The idea of things getting more complicated. Maybe those people are making things more complicated for me in an effort to try and take something from me. I see. So, I chop off their limbs in order to stop the complications. It’s kind of like being faced with a wall, and instead trying to break the wall down, you just walk around. Yes, walking around the wall equals chopping of human limbs. Got it!

I definitely chopped off their limbs on purpose. So, that means the desire or decision is free. That’s what I said. I eliminated the wall, and can go back to whatever it is that the people were trying to take from me.

Game. Dynamics. Hmm… Let’s see? I’m lost. This is getting tough.

Group. OH I get it! I am trying to socialize with the people in the game. Maybe they don’t want to, thus they are taking away my socialism (not to mistaken for the political term socialism). So, I hack them to get it back? No that can’t be it.

Yes, the house; the one thing I can’t stop thinking about. It felt to familiar. Like it was my house in the dream. Even though I have never seen it before. Someone might have been trying to take away my home, my security. The house was new. I don’t know I think this might have something to do with the house Lover and I are trying to buy/build. Hmm… Let’s move on.

Killing. Keeping the theme of the house, I must want to control it. Maybe, I am too anxious, and since I am also impatient, so I feel like things are out of my control, like they are playing a game with me. That means the builders are trying to take away my power and sense on controllability. They are throwing is limbs, like money and time and supplies, and instead of excepting this, I chop off those limbs (via giving them what they want, money and time to buy supplies and labor). And well, the knife, the knife must represent my anger and aggression towards them.

*sigh* Glad THAT one is settled.



I went back to sleep, thinking that when I get to work I NEED to write a blog about this! Thus giving me, Dream #2 - Coming Soon to a blog near you (I know, I'm a dork).

Why I Should...

Lately (meaning the last 2 months or so), I have not, under any circumstances wanted to go to work. Getting out of bed to get ready for work has become a chore instead of routine. This is precisely why I had compiled this list of the top 20 reasons why I, of all people, should win the big one. Yes, I am referring to the lottery. I am not, however, referring to just the million dollar jackpot. I want the jackpot of jackpots, the big cojones!

*clears throat* So, to begin.

1. My job sucks.
2. I don't get paid enough money to do my job.
3. They took away my overtime. Thus, they took away my grocery money.
4. Number three means they LITERALLY took food from my table.
5. I am a good person.
6. I would give a lot of it away to charity/use the money for good causes.
7. I could be a stay at home Mom. This means my kids would get the love and guidance they need/deserve preventing from being a common criminals (saving tax dollars) and allowing them to be successful (giving more tax dollars).
8. I would be less cranky.
9. I could pay off my student loans.
10. Number 9 means I would be giving money BACK to the government; thus, helping the USA get out of debit.
11. Number 9 means I would no longer be taking money from the government; thus, helping USA stay out debit.
12. I could open my own business.
13. I could open my own business without taking grants from the government.
14. Another business means more money to the government.
15. I would travel within the US.
16. Number 15 would stimulate the economies of all the states.
17. I would travel internationally.
18. Number 18 would contribute positively to foreign affairs.
19. I'd give my family/close friends money to get them out of debt; giving them more disposable income. We all know the positive effects of disposable income.
20. The cosmetic products, clothing, and shoes alone that I'd buy would be enough to keep the area booming for many centuries to come.

As you can see, the economy, government, and general public would be much better off through my winning the lottery.

I Have A Dream...

Okay, not really. I had a dream and it came true, well, sort of.

The Dream:

Lover and I were sitting on our bed discussing finances. I wanted to know where he was spending all of his money. After a few moments of haggling he finally confessed that he was paying off a coworker. He owed someone he worked with $3,000 and was trying to pay it off in 5 months. He explained that he lost it while playing poker, gambling! Then he leaned in to give me a kiss. I was mad and angry, he lied to me, I had every right to be mad and angry. So, instead of embracing the kiss, I slapped him. The dream ended.

Flash forward a few hours to this morning…

I vaguely remembered the dream and probably would have forgot about it if it were not for Lover.

After I got ready for work, I went back into the bedroom to give Lover a kiss good-bye, he has Fridays off of work. This is when he asked me why I slapped him last night. With a confused look I asked, “I slapped you?” Apparently, last night I slapped him while I was sleeping. But that is not the even crazier part.

I fall asleep early and he stays up late. He is use to it. He works the Swing shift. When he went to bed last night, he went to give me a kiss good-night (again, I was sleeping), and I slapped him. I slapped him for kissing me, just like I did in my dream.