I Needed This Today

E-mail forward: Why Boys Need Parents...

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep..
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Hope you laughed as hard as I did!

The Anger Test

I took an Anger Test. Not one of those from those stupid websites, but from a place I would consider credible.

The results: I'm angry... Shocked?


Your score = 77

What does your score mean?

Overall, your anger level is slightly elevated. You seem to get angry more often than the average individual. Either you have a hot streak or the situations on the test happened to rub you the wrong way. Whatever the case, you should watch out - you might be on dangerous ground. Anger is a firecracker of an emotion, and isn't something you want to overdo. Some things just aren't worth getting worked up about!

 
I think that any "situation" where people are inconsiderate is going to rub me the wrong way. Common sense people! Common sense.

A little Humor

I started my Business Law class yesterday. It's a online class, how I prefer classes to be taken. In order to "participate" students are required to post at least 2 "substantive" posts on at least 4 days for a total of 8 posts.

Sometimes Professors will give a student credit if he or she posts 8 substantive posts in the week. THIS Professor is clearly against that as he states "The participation requirement is that you must have at least 2 substantive posts on 4 separate days to receive full credit. You cannot have 8 substantive posts in one day and receive full credit."

Participation is not something I care too much about, it's not worth a lot of points and to me not that important. In other words I am lazy and only usallu contribute enough to "get by" with an A. I am also known to be one of those students who posts 8 messages on the last day pertaining to various topics in relation to the class and cross my fingers hopeing the Professor wont notice or care.

This Professor, after stating 8 posts on the last day does not count, continues on by stating, "You may, however, have 28 substantive posts with at least 2 on three days and 22 on the 4th day and receive full credit."

That above statement cracked me up and continues to do so as I can't help but imagine myself trying to scramble on the last day of class to post 22 messages that substantive and relevant to the course material. That would of course me assuming I bothered to post on the prio 3 days.

I think I might actually be forced to participate in this class and the Professor has already, in his own way, motivated me to want to. Plus, I like Business Law and I might actually learn something new for a change.

Planning a Party?

You know how we all dream. Well, I have been dreaming a lot lately. I have officially extended my budget out until the end of 2014. That's right, it's a five year plan. And if I follow it correctly I will have about $54,000 saved up. pppsshhhh. I have mentioned before that I am incapable of saving... I am still incapable of saving. It will be interesting to know how much I have saved up at the end of 2014.

That is one of the day dreams I have been having. The other is getting out of the job I am in now. It is not secret that I hate my job, in large part because I have to spend it with Mrs. NHJ (No Holey Jeans, in case I have any new readers). Part of this career change, includes how I can do something fun, that involves a random schedule of which I choose and when I choose it, being able to sleep in and cuddle with the love of my life, spend more time with is beautiful daughter Baby, interact with people, use my degree, and more importantly use my brain! Uncanny right? What job is going to offer all of this? Should I mention that I did not even note benefits or a 401K?

Basically, I have came to the conclusion that I would have to work for myself. But, what would I do? Howe about plan parties! My family... We know how to party, and we have thrown some pretty good ones, that aren't too pricey!

My dreams came to a crashing halt for a few reasons. One, starting a business costs money. Maybe not the one I am wanting to start, because I don't need and office, e-mail is free, and I can do my own marketing. But, there is advertising, business cards, and who the heck wants to hire someone who doesn't have a website in this economy. A website and references are a must. Two, I'm almost positive I would have to quit my job to do this. I can't quit my job. My job is steady income that I need to pay the bills. I can't leave steady income for "I don't know when the hell I am going to get paid" income.

Maybe some day, in 5 years, after I have the $54K saved up, then I can quit my job and start planning people's parties! I mean, I know all the vendors, I have people skills, and it's something I enjoy doing! *sigh* How I love to dream.

But really...

Would you hire me to plan your wedding, birthday, company party, holiday party, funeral? :O

First Carving

My first time EVER carving a pumpkin.

My family did Thanksgiving and Christmas, not Halloween.

The end result.
Lover's pumpkin. (He did a good job, don't tell him that!)

You like? I like!

Lover and his creation!

Finally, The artist and author herself.

One of my friends over at Blogging is for Dorks suggested that we have our significant other write about us, in order to scare away our readers, because who is really going to listen to anything we have to say after we called out by the one person who knows us the best? Anyway, I have Lover working on this and I should have it posted first thing Monday morning.

I Just Sent You Flowers So I Can Get Laid

I LOVE John Jay & Rich (and Kyle) in the morning. They became my favor tie show after Kid & Ruben (and Corrina) were cancelled, on 101.5, for some bogus and bull shit reason.

First, they are hilarious, self-indulgent, and sound like "regular" people. Plus, they have these segments that make the radio show entertaining.

I start listening to them around 7:30 am while on my way to work, and hate it when their show is over at 10am. I get soooo irritated when the phone rings during this time, because I don't want to miss anything they have to say. UGH! The phone rang this morning and I was talking to this customer. I missed almost this whole segment, but just as I was getting off the phone, I hear the man on their segment from War of The Roses say, "I'm not cheating on you. I just sent you flowers so that I can get laid!"

If you are interested in listening to their morning show, go to their website, also they are available in the following cities:

Phoenix
San Diego
Portland
Tuscon
Colorado Springs
Fort Collins

Eeek! I Got An Award.

It may not be an Oscar or a Grammy or anything of real importance. But it's a BIG deal to me. It's my first Blog Award and it came from non other than ladytruth. I think she calls them Truthy awards??? She also gave out several more awards, as she was in a generous mood.

Regardless, I am honored to have received an award and I couldn't have got it from a better blogger on a move to find Mr. Right by going on a series of dates. *sigh* Good Luck my friend!

So, from what I gather in the blogosphere, I am suppose to pass the award on, no? That is to come late, as I need to take some time for deep thought and think about this one.

Why I Should...

Lately (meaning the last 2 months or so), I have not, under any circumstances wanted to go to work. Getting out of bed to get ready for work has become a chore instead of routine. This is precisely why I had compiled this list of the top 20 reasons why I, of all people, should win the big one. Yes, I am referring to the lottery. I am not, however, referring to just the million dollar jackpot. I want the jackpot of jackpots, the big cojones!

*clears throat* So, to begin.

1. My job sucks.
2. I don't get paid enough money to do my job.
3. They took away my overtime. Thus, they took away my grocery money.
4. Number three means they LITERALLY took food from my table.
5. I am a good person.
6. I would give a lot of it away to charity/use the money for good causes.
7. I could be a stay at home Mom. This means my kids would get the love and guidance they need/deserve preventing from being a common criminals (saving tax dollars) and allowing them to be successful (giving more tax dollars).
8. I would be less cranky.
9. I could pay off my student loans.
10. Number 9 means I would be giving money BACK to the government; thus, helping the USA get out of debit.
11. Number 9 means I would no longer be taking money from the government; thus, helping USA stay out debit.
12. I could open my own business.
13. I could open my own business without taking grants from the government.
14. Another business means more money to the government.
15. I would travel within the US.
16. Number 15 would stimulate the economies of all the states.
17. I would travel internationally.
18. Number 18 would contribute positively to foreign affairs.
19. I'd give my family/close friends money to get them out of debt; giving them more disposable income. We all know the positive effects of disposable income.
20. The cosmetic products, clothing, and shoes alone that I'd buy would be enough to keep the area booming for many centuries to come.

As you can see, the economy, government, and general public would be much better off through my winning the lottery.

Starting a New Blog

YAY!!!! Okay, before you go all "she might have something to say but two blog posts in one day is saying too much," on me, give me a chance to explain myself.

Okay, here goes...

I realized that Lover and I go to the movies. No, I realized that Lover and I go to the movies a lot, like at least once a week, sometimes twice, and sometimes once but we watch 2 movies.

What does this mean?

It meeeeaannnss that I am starting a new blog, something meaningful and fun, something useful for other readers/followers (if I gain some).

Said blog will be titled New Release.

WAIT! Don't go there yet! I haven't posted any reviews. Although, I do have a few to catch up on:

The Hangover
The Time Traveler's Wife
G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra
The Ugly Truth
The Orphan
Drag Me to Hell
The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
District 9

Normally, I would not bother with past movies I have seen and just start fresh. But all those movies are still in theatres!!!

In addition. I think I am going to start writing reviews for movies period(.). Like if I watch a new movie that isn't in theatres.

Boy (or girl), this sure gives me something to do with all my time.

I got to get to work!

Who's Paying?

Lover has dated a lot in his past; so, he is pretty familiar with whole dating game, gestures, relationships, what works, what doesn't work, etc... Did I mention that he has dated a lot?

Whenever we go out we play this fun game, where we critique another couples relationship based on what we see (hand gestures, body language, nervous habits, conversation - if we're lucky to be that close to ease drop). Our favorite couples have turned into the first date couples. So, I mention that Lover has dated a lot, right? This means a lot of first dates, he thinks he is a pro about the first date.

We have become almost 100% accurate in pointing out the first date couples. If we disagree, we might find ourselves butting into their conversation to find out. However, we usually both agree. It's actually pretty easy, and fun at the same time, to distinguish the first date. First, they don't look at each other differently; you don't get that deep burning stare, as though the other is peering into their partners eyes. You see the deer in the headlights look, or more commonly, the scared/nervous look. Second, your hand gestures are different; most people are nervous on a first date and therefore find something to do with their hands, say twirling the straw in ones drink or folding, unfolding, and the refolding his or her napkin. Generally, the female will laugh at almost everything that is said, another nervous habit, but also an attempt at flirting. Let me demonstrate:

Him: "I'm really into alternative and punk music."
Her: *chuckle* "Oh that's so funny, me too!"

Was it really that funny?

We really like it when one of them is not interested in the other. For example, we saw this young boy (I say boy because he most likely had barely turned 18) with the young girl (she probably just got her license 6 months ago) together. The boy was completely messing up this date by standing and walking next to her with his arms crossed. Crossed arms are a very uninviting gesture.

If, we can conclude that it is not the couples first date, we then like to guess who is going to pay. This only works if you are somewhere where something has to be bought, like the movies or dinner.

Recently, while enjoying a scrumptious breakfast at The Good Egg, we saw this young couple (maybe in their early to mid twenties). At first, they appeared to be just friends. However, upon further investigation we were able to deduce that they had indeed had sex. The male, clearly was not committed to this young woman. The female, wanted more out of the relationship than he was wanting to give.

After a little bit longer of observing their behavior, I looked at The Man and said:

"I bet she is going to pay!"

I just knew it, it struck me like a lightening bolt.

Afraid that our inner curiosity would not be fulfilled unless we knew who paid, I motioned our waitress over to us. Our waitress is blonde, she lost tip points just for that AND when she brought us our drinks she threw the straws at us, again lost more tip points. However, managed to redeem herself.

Upon my motioning, The Man tried to steer me away but I was resilient.

Me: “I was hoping you could help us out. See, we play this silly little game where we critiques peoples relationships…”

Lover: “No, Christie, stop.” Dismissing the waitress, “you don’t have to listen to her.”

Me: “Babe, I want to know.” To the waitress, “You see that couple over there, the guy with the red hat.”

Lover: “BABE, she doesn’t want to do this…”

Waitress: “No, I want to get in on this.” She moves behind us to get a better view of the couple.

Lover: “Oh my god!”

Me: “See, Babe?” back to the waitress, “We were wondering if you could tell us who pays for the meal, see we are almost positive she is going to pay.”

Waitress: “That is so weird, my friends and I do the same thing, only we try to figure out what they do for a living.” She walks off in promise to report back what she finds.

The waitress gave us a BRILLIANT new game to play! She is in retail of some sort; he on the other hand, unemployed.

Turns out, we didn’t even need our waitress as a spy. As soon as they stood up to walk to the register to pay, the males hands went straight in his pockets, and hers went to her wallet. I laughed! Hysterically!

The waitress did report back and informed us that she was a nurse.

Lover and I looked at each other, laughed and said in unison: “She ain’t no nurse.” The girl might where scrubs and shuffle paperwork, but she certainly is not a nurse.

Later, it comes to find out she drives the same car I do and she lives in the same apartment complex as Lover and I. Ironic.