I Needed This Today

E-mail forward: Why Boys Need Parents...

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep..
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Hope you laughed as hard as I did!

What Are You? Stupid?

I am the first person to admit that I love plastic. Not plastic girls or guys, because they are just lame! I like the plastic that has my finger tips at one end and a bank at the other. You know? Credit cards. Plastic allows me to purchase things, sometimes big things, or as of late little things (like groceries) even though I don't have the money to buy them. Then, I get to pay the money back in monthly payments for a small monthly fee.

So, you might be saying, "Hold your horses, Christie! WHY exactly do you like plastic?"

Good question, Jacob! (I have no idea who Jacob is). I love plastic because it eliminates my need/ability to save money. Why would I save $100 a month for 12 months to buy tires/wheels; WHEN, I could charge $1,200 to a credit card and pay it off monthly for the next 18 months? Do you see where I am going here?

There is a point, I promise, I just needed to give you some background first.

Now, the credit cards I have don't have high balances on them. Actually, I guess high balances would require high limits (which I don't have). Oh, no! Don't worry. I don't have high balances, because I don't have high limits. :D I never pay late (well with the exception of a few times but it wasn't more than a week late and attributed to the fact that I forgot it was due) and consider myself a "responsible" borrower. [insert sarcasm here].

But, I would NEVER, EVER, in a million light years, INCREASE my limits. So tell me why my credit card company took me from a $900 limit to a $2,400 limit. I'm no Einstein, but that is a big leap! I know my credit is good, because I just bought a car and stuff and I saw my score. But still. What are they? Stupid, that's what they are. No bank, in their right mind, would do that! I bet a blonde authorized that move. Not just any blonde, the sleazy, slept her way through management blonde. Go back to Hoe School!

I guess I am kind of excited that my limit was increased, because it lowers my debit to income ratio and I'm trying to by a house. So, that's good. I'm still trying to pay off the debit that I have, and now with $2,400 limit on one card I can help but fantasize about all the groceries, gas, and cell phone bills I can charge to the card; while having "extra money" in my bank account to purchase... Oh I don't know... Shoes, a new wardrobe, new wheels for car, because I have totally wanted to get some since I bought it! OH! And I could darken the tint on my car, get my oil changed (wait that would be a charge) or have a couple fun nights out drinking.

*sigh* The reality of the matter, is now I am going to have to remove ALL credit cards from my wallet to not be tempted into spending more money that I don't have.

Apples and Onions?

This morning I was digging through the crisper drawer in the refrigerator; I knew I had some fruit in there and since I didn't have time to enjoy a healthy bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, I need something quick and easy. Quick. And. Easy.

AWW HA! So, THAT is where the left over "fixings" for the tacos I made last week went. Chopped up lettuce, cheese. OH! There's an orange. I'll take that. Onion, tomato. Apple, two apples. Perfect! Should I grab some peanut butter? No, no. I have some at work.

I put the new found fruit into my purse and off to work I went.

So, I get to work (mind you, I am starving at this point) and immediately reach for that apple in my purse. Mmm... Crisp. Cold. Fresh. Onion! Huh?

My apple has a suspicious amount of onion hint in it. Gross. I'm done!

Is this one of those life lessons that I get to learn and can only learn by living by myself? That HAS to be why my Mom always used one crisper for vegetables and the other fro fruits. Come to think of it, I don't even remember her putting the chopped up onion back IN the crisper, she just left it in the plastic zip-loc on the shelf.

I don't know about this whole getting older/growing up thing. Where's my Mommy when I need her most?

Neosporin

For some reason I have been hurting myself lately. No, not intentionally so you can stop typing the 1-800-SUICIDE help hotline number you were going to give me, plus I appear to already have it.

I got a couple blister from wearing new heels yesterday. I sliced my finger. No, really SLICED my finger. I took off a piece of skin, A CHUNCK of skin.

When I was younger, the extent of healing such wounds extended to a bottle or peroxide followed by half a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

While at my (Ex) Step-Grandmother's house, when younger, she would send me or my sister to the bathroom for any minor scrape or cut she saw to apply Neosporin. *clears throat* After knowing what it feels like to have rubbing alcohol poured into an open wound, I was not about to discover what Neosporin felt like upon application. No, I don't care if the back says pain free, the back of the alcohol bottle said that too, but guess what? It lied!

So, I would throw a drop of water on it, to make it look wet, hide it from the witch (meaning the ex step-grandmother) and go to back to playing, which was usually a chore around her house, like cracking walnuts.

However, some co-workers were talking about how Neosporin works wonders and heals wounds in more than HALF the time.

I COULD USE THAT!

So, I sent the man to the store to buy some. I popped my blisters (it's just water so stop freaking out), put some Neosporin on the band-aid, and applied the band-aid. (I didn't look nearly as cute as the little girl on the right does).

I did all that last night. Oh my gosh! Today, the blisters aren't sore, they didn't fill back up with water and they even look a little healed!

It's a MIRACLE!