The worst thing you can teach your kids?



"Worry about you and only you!"

Mean Motor Scooter

In the spirit of my other photo blogs (here and here) I thought I might catch you all up on my nephew, Mean Motor Scooter (MMS). He is adorable and brought so much life into my family. I wish I didn't live 1,000 miles away from him and could see him more than I do now. Here we are, from birth to present (it took me FOREVER to get a RECENT picture of MMS).

Driving Lesson

Something has really been bothering me lately. I recently moved and in order for me to drive home I have to drive on a two lane road for 10 miles. Now, this two lane road has a speed limit of 50 mph (totally lame and the majority of us do not drive that slow on it), which turns into 60 mph, 65 mph, or 70 mph depending on how brave you are.

Raise your hand if you know what a PASSING LANE is?

Nobody?

Okay, last chance.

A PASSING LANE is the #1 lane, or left hand lane on a road. Now, the purpose of the PASSING LANE is to

1. keep traffic flowing
2. allow faster traffic to pass slower traffic

Now, how many of you know it is illegal to drive in the PASSING LANE if you are not actually PASSING someone?

Now you do.

So, please do everyone on the road a favor, and only use said PASSING LANE when you are passing someone. After you pass someone it is your responsibility and the LAW to move back into the "slow lane" so that traffic can then pass YOU.

Get it? Good!

Attacked

I went into my bedroom, closed the door, and started getting ready for my nightly shower.
What was that?

I spun around midway of rinsing off my face.

Nothing.

I carefully finished washing and then dryed off. I turned around to place the towel back on the rack and there HE was. THERE was the introduded!



At least this is one of the senarios my brain kept fumbling through last night. Being all alone in a big house can scare a girl! I mean, someone really could have come into the house. What if they did? I don't like being bymyself and this why! My mind starts to wander to bad things happening. I get scared. I even slept with the bedroom door closed last night and Lover had to wake me up when he got off work for me to open it for him.

It's just something I have to get use to... I guess.

I Needed This Today

E-mail forward: Why Boys Need Parents...

And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like...


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep..
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.
25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Hope you laughed as hard as I did!

The Anger Test

I took an Anger Test. Not one of those from those stupid websites, but from a place I would consider credible.

The results: I'm angry... Shocked?


Your score = 77

What does your score mean?

Overall, your anger level is slightly elevated. You seem to get angry more often than the average individual. Either you have a hot streak or the situations on the test happened to rub you the wrong way. Whatever the case, you should watch out - you might be on dangerous ground. Anger is a firecracker of an emotion, and isn't something you want to overdo. Some things just aren't worth getting worked up about!

 
I think that any "situation" where people are inconsiderate is going to rub me the wrong way. Common sense people! Common sense.

I Play Chicken

You know that stoplight in your town that when you come to it, it opens up to another lane, and then once you go through the light that right lane ends? You know those cars that drive through it EVERY single day on their way to or from work? You remember those PAIN in the ASSES who insist on getting in that right hand lane to try and speed up to get ahead of 2 extra cars in order to save 5 seconds on their commute while costing everyone else 30 seconds and some stress and terror?

My job is to eliminate those ASSHOLES one at a time. They KNOW the lane is going to end, they drive it EVERY DAY! Their persistence to get ahead of me, is not quite has strong as my persistence to make sure they do not get ahead of me. For example, this morning:

Am I going to close today? Am I going to close today? I really don't want to reschedule everything! I hope we close today! Red light. Damn it. Look at these stupid cars next to me! I'm not letting them in. Assholes! You know that fucking lane closes! Why are you trying to go straight! Stupid! I'm not letting you. Haha! You'll see. Ooo! Green light.

At this point the car in front of me slowed down as two cars raced ahead of him to merge over. However, there was one lone ranger who thought that it was "her turn" to merge and that I was going to let her over. She was mistaken. I rode the ass of the car in front of me so tightly!

I'm not letting you over stupid blonde bitch! And you can honk your horn all you want, I'm not looking over at you. You know what, Bitch? I have the right away, and I don't have to let you in if I don't want to. I know what you are trying to do, you're in an SUV, you can't intimidate me! I'll play chicken, I won't hit you, you'll hit me, which means your at fault. I don't really feel like going to work today anyway!!! HAHA! That's right, hooker! HIT. YOUR. BRAKES.

At the very moment she was forced to brake, she was not only honking her horn, and turning on her blinkers like I am going to give up the place I fought so hard for to pull over and "talk" about it. Ya right! My iPod then started playing...


I play chicken with the train, play chicken with the train, train. uh huh huh. uh huh huh. You know that I play chicken with the train, play chicken with the train, train. - Cowboy Troy

I couldn't help BUT to blurt out the words and crack up!

Did I mention I did the 25 mile/hour speed limit the ENTIRE 6 miles on the one lane road? That was priceless! I think that blonde bitch is still pissed at me and I'm still laughing!