I Play Chicken

You know that stoplight in your town that when you come to it, it opens up to another lane, and then once you go through the light that right lane ends? You know those cars that drive through it EVERY single day on their way to or from work? You remember those PAIN in the ASSES who insist on getting in that right hand lane to try and speed up to get ahead of 2 extra cars in order to save 5 seconds on their commute while costing everyone else 30 seconds and some stress and terror?

My job is to eliminate those ASSHOLES one at a time. They KNOW the lane is going to end, they drive it EVERY DAY! Their persistence to get ahead of me, is not quite has strong as my persistence to make sure they do not get ahead of me. For example, this morning:

Am I going to close today? Am I going to close today? I really don't want to reschedule everything! I hope we close today! Red light. Damn it. Look at these stupid cars next to me! I'm not letting them in. Assholes! You know that fucking lane closes! Why are you trying to go straight! Stupid! I'm not letting you. Haha! You'll see. Ooo! Green light.

At this point the car in front of me slowed down as two cars raced ahead of him to merge over. However, there was one lone ranger who thought that it was "her turn" to merge and that I was going to let her over. She was mistaken. I rode the ass of the car in front of me so tightly!

I'm not letting you over stupid blonde bitch! And you can honk your horn all you want, I'm not looking over at you. You know what, Bitch? I have the right away, and I don't have to let you in if I don't want to. I know what you are trying to do, you're in an SUV, you can't intimidate me! I'll play chicken, I won't hit you, you'll hit me, which means your at fault. I don't really feel like going to work today anyway!!! HAHA! That's right, hooker! HIT. YOUR. BRAKES.

At the very moment she was forced to brake, she was not only honking her horn, and turning on her blinkers like I am going to give up the place I fought so hard for to pull over and "talk" about it. Ya right! My iPod then started playing...


I play chicken with the train, play chicken with the train, train. uh huh huh. uh huh huh. You know that I play chicken with the train, play chicken with the train, train. - Cowboy Troy

I couldn't help BUT to blurt out the words and crack up!

Did I mention I did the 25 mile/hour speed limit the ENTIRE 6 miles on the one lane road? That was priceless! I think that blonde bitch is still pissed at me and I'm still laughing!

Doesn't Step Sound Negative

No puns instead. "Step" is just a negative word. For example:

Step-Mom
Step-Dad
Step-Grandma
Step-Grandpa

... I think you get the picture on which direction I am heading so I will stop naming off every different type of family member.

Pretty soon, and by soon I mean when Cinderella is talking and has friends, she will start to refer to me as her Step-Mom. I blame Disney for giving the word STEP such a negative meaning. Ever since Cinderella, the movie not the baby, came out Step-Mom's haven't exactly been admired nor adored. I suppose my nick naming the step child, Cinderella doesn't help - but it is suiting.

Let's think about this a little bit further... Meredith from the Parent Trap? Rachel in The Uninvited? Clarice in It Take Two? Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent in Ever After? I'm not exactly fighting a fair fight.

I like Mommy, but even then I feel a little bit guilty considering she already has a mommy that loves her and she didn't come from my uterus. Plus, I get dirty looks from everyone, fully equipped with the "how dare you" / "who do you think you are" glare down. Yes, glare down.

I would much rather be referred to as Aunt or Auntie. However, then we would have some explaining to do as to why Cinderella's Aunt married (we're not married yet, but give it another year and a half) her father.